These nifty neologisms make me chuckle with their sheer wit, but they also fill me with admiration. Some people are incredibly clever. They also have too much time on their hands.

For many years now, the venerable Washington Post has run a contest asking readers to submit new definitions for existing words. (I don’t think it’s still going.) Here’s a selection, ones I particularly enjoyed. It’s followed by a foolish attempt at a neologistic story. If such a thing exists…

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Bustard (n.), a rude bus driver.

Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

Spatula: n. A fight among vampires.

Perplexed: adj., lost in a movie theater.

Population: n., that nice sensation you get when drinking soda.

Racket: n., a small pair of breasts.

Nincompoop: n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation.

Ineffable: adj., describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of.

Pimple: n., pimp’s apprentice.

Discussion: n., a Frisbee-related head injury.

Ozone: n., area in which the G-spot is located.

Flattery: n., a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only.

“Thit!”

Running his tongue over the jagged edge of his left fang, Armande the Awesome lymphed hurriedly down the street behind Nocturnal Emissions, the vampire nightclub.

Fading into the shadows, he shoved an anxious hand under the waistband of his oh-so-elegant tailored slacks. Slipping his fingers into the circumvent of his French silk boxers, the ones with the cute little bats on them, he heaved a sigh of relief. Thuper. Everything still there, though he was going to be willy-nilly for a few days.

That bitch Hortenthe sure packed a high kick. Just because he’d said she had a nice racket. Thit, you’d think the girl could take a compliment! But no, she’d jeered at his balderdash. Thilly bitch. He’d gone straight for the throat.

What started as a hissy fit had escalated to a full scale thpatula. Uh, spatula. Every vamp in the joint had weighed in. He should call a flatulence, but he was…too…damn…tired.

No, he was going home to gargle with gargoyle. Bugger Hortenthe.

Nethxt time.

Hmm, I think I may write a vampire thtory - sorry, I mean story - after Kate is finished. I’m very pleased with Nocturnal Emissions, the vamp nightclub. We could have a lot of fun there…

Which of these neologisms is your favourite? Which is the cleverest?

If you feel like it, write a mini-story using the neologisms, but no pressure. It actually feels a little odd, using familiar words in such an unfamiliar way. Use our friends Armande and Hortense if you want. Or try your hand at creating a neologism. It was beyond me!

Don’t forget - every month there’s a chance to win everything droolworthy - Tim Tams and hunkalicious postcards - including Mr Gorgeous . Check the Current Contest page and keep the comments coming!

Fancy a knee-trembling experience? How about a toe-curling one?

You’ve probably worked out by now that I pay a lot of attention to words and how authors use them. I’ve mentioned elsewhere the reviewer who said of me, “Rossetti takes a sensual pleasure in words.” I’m particularly proud of that comment. *cough, cough*

One day, it dawned on me that other writers were clever. They used composite adjectives - like toe-curling, for instance. Ooooh, I thought, hugely impressed, I like that! So I tried it myself and decided I loved the double-whammy effect. More bang for your buck, so to speak. heh heh

On occasion, I confess I may have become a trifle carried away with my own brilliance. As in this first extract, from TAILSPIN, where I used two in one paragraph. Hmmm… Here are Jan and Fledge.

His head dipped, and she braced herself for another of those soul-stealing kisses. Instead, he licked a long, wet trail up her neck, leaving a brain-deadening sizzle behind. “You’ll do, little Grounded,” he murmured. “You’ll do.”

A little later, Jan is attempting to seduce Mirry. He’s about to succeed. Can you tell?

“Really?” Jan took him in a confident grip and pulled, a long stroke from root to tip.

Mirry swore, his head spinning. He could smell the other man, featheroil and clean sweat and something musky and arousing that was Jan alone. He could feel his intoxicating heat, pressing into his spine, his wings. Fuck, even his tail buzzed from where Jan’s cock rubbed up against it!

“Do you get hard for other men?” Another protracted, mind-numbing pull.

“No,” croaked Mirry. “No.”

Wanna play? These composite adjectives (if that’s the right term - don’t know and so don’t care) almost always involve a body part.

Select some portion of the body - the more random the better - and see what sort of composite adjective you can create. In a sentence, if you can manage it, or not if it hurts your brain. I’ve scattered a few body bits around this post - a nostril, an elbow, an ankle - but hey, feel free! The more unlikely the better!

Or, if you like, tell us about double-whammy words you find particularly effective. That would be cool. I’m always on the lookout for new ones.

Writers (published and unpublished), we’d love to see your favourite composite words used in situ. You’re very welcome to share short examples of your talent. If you paste in a link to the book it came from, it will work. Show off your writing chops!

If you’re dubious about the concept, go read the Wordplay page, where All is Revealed.

Would you like to suggest a word or phrase or even a theme for the Wordplay treatment? Go right ahead and we’ll do it another time. I LOVE lists, like darling Mirry. *snork*

Watch for a new contest - a particularly delicious one.

Size really does matter, you know. And so does the way it’s described. Let’s take a woman of size, for instance.

What? You thought I was talking about something else? Tsk, tsk!

There’s a whole world of difference between voluptuous and plain old fat, isn’t there? Because it’s not just about avoirdupois, it’s about personality and self-belief. It shows in the way a woman carries herself, the way she walks and meets your eye. I love the natural dignity of a woman like Queen Latifah. She’s not only beautiful, but because she believes she is, she projects tremendous personal power.

Think of all these gorgeous words - wouldn’t a heroine rather be any of these rather than fat - or even overweight?

Ample, lush, curvaceous, Rubenesque, queenly, voluptuous, statuesque, full-figured, buxom, plump, Junoesque, opulent, generous. So many…

Meg, the heroine of my novella for the UNLACED anthology, is a big girl - my first true woman of size. Here she is, seen through the eyes of her lover, John. BTW, John himself is a big guy, about 6ft 5in. He’d totally squish a shrimp like me, but oh, what a way to go. *ahem* Sorry, got a little carried away there…

He stroked a broad, callused palm over the luscious curve of her rump. The only girl in the Cressy Plains who could match him. Five foot eleven inches in her sturdy bare feet, Meg’s cushiony body fitted perfectly against his huge frame, her long legs and smoothly muscled thighs a comfortable cradle for his eager weight.

And a little later, after things have progressed…

Some strange presentiment lifted the hair on the back of his neck, so that instead of lunging forward and throwing her down to ram himself deep, John could only stand like a block, gripping a sturdy wooden post as if he would crush it to kindling. He stared, fixing her image in his mind, all plump, smooth curves, painted in cream and gold. Her lips were parted, shining a soft berry pink, the tips of her full, heavy breasts already furled and dusky. Waiting for him, for his big rough hands and impatient mouth.

There’s something extraordinarily sensual about anyone who enjoys their food. Honestly, I’ve never met a man who’ll admit to preferring ultra-skinny women!

If you consider yourself a woman of size, what’s the loveliest compliment you’ve been paid?

Tell us about a sensual description of a plus-size heroine. Who does it well? Who made you believe the woman was desirable? Beddable?

Writers (published and unpublished), we’d love to see how you describe a full-figured woman. You’re very welcome to share short examples of your talent. If you paste in a link to the book it came from, it will work. Show off your writing chops!

If you’re dubious about the concept, go read the Wordplay page, where All is Revealed.

Would you like to suggest a word or phrase or even a theme for the Wordplay treatment? Go right ahead and we’ll do it another time. I LOVE lists, like darling Mirry. *snork*

Colours are wonderful tools. The complete artist’s palette is there for the taking. I love, love, love using colour in my writing, whopping great dollops of it. I’m a highly sensate person and colour really speaks to me. All the colours of the rainbow - red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet.

Yeah, so? you say. Colours, so what? I know my colours.

But you see, there are the most scrumptious words available to describe every possible shade and hue. And, like all words, each has its own “feel”. You can roll them in your mouth, almost like a wine. For example, don’t you think vermilion sounds a whole lot more exotic than red? (It’s a bright orangey red. Also called Chinese red or cinnabar.)

When I wrote TAILSPIN, I was determined the reader be able to “see” the Aetherii, with their magnificent wings and tails. Or at least, I was determined to try. A character called Miriliel the Burnished would have to be tawny, wouldn’t he? Here we have Fledge finding Mirry’s “dead” body on a charnel heap. All she can see is one wing.

Beneath the herdbeast lay a highhunter, its glorious wings spread in a pathetic arc, completely limp. The very size of the raptor was awe-inspiring. It had to be three times bigger than any she’d ever seen, even when the Fair had traveled through the Mountains of Morn. Blood and dirt splattered its plumage, dulling what had once been the sheen of vibrant color - amber, russet, glowing apricot, smooth terracotta - all the hues of the living earth.

Not only did I use words other than orange or brown - bleah! - I piled them up, one after the other, the idea being to convey the richness of Mirry’s plumage, the amazing depth of colour. I did look at pictures of birds and feathers, especially eagles. And I did choose colour words most people would know.

Then, of course, there are eyes. All writers know how important eye contact is for human communication. Think how disconcerting it is to talk with someone wearing mirrored sunglasses. Eye colour is incredibly important. Blue, green, brown - yeah, yeah, we need to do better than that. And we can - with those fabulous colour words.

Here are Mirry’s eyes -

They were raptor’s eyes, large and dark and round. Each iris was rimmed with a ring of yellow as hard as topaz.

And Jan’s -

The feathery tip of Jan’s tail nudged his thigh and he clamped his mouth shut on a yelp. His head jerked around to find Jan’s indigo gaze fixed on him from under sooty lashes. “You’re looking well, Mirry.”

Immediately, we know Jan’s eyes are beautiful, because indigo is a beautiful word - meaning a deep, intense blue. *sigh* Think of all the variations on blue - turquoise, cerulean, cobalt, sapphire, periwinkle, cornflower, azure, navy…

Writers (published and unpublished), I’d love to see the sensual way you use colour. You’re very welcome to share short examples of your colour wordplay. If you paste in a link to the book it came from, it will work. Show off your writing chops!

Everyone - wanna play? Here are ten colours. How many can you guess off the top of your head? - without looking at the dictionary! Let’s see how you go. I’ll post the answers in a comment. (And no, I didn’t know them all.)

1. damson
2. viridian
3. gentian
4. eau de Nil
5. ecru
6. celadon
7. lapis lazuli
8. cerise
9. sable
10. sienna

If you’d like to, go ahead and give us a piece of colour writing, a sentence or poem or whatever you fancy.

If you’re dubious about the concept, go read the Wordplay page, where All is Revealed.

Would you like to suggest a word or phrase or even a theme for the Wordplay treatment? Go right ahead and we’ll do it another time. I LOVE lists, like darling Mirry. *snork*

CONTEST 2: THE WINNER(S)

And the winner of an autographed print copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR IS…

Liz Madill

How could I go past Susan, Queen of Slither, for her amazing slithery poem in our first Wordplay? Susan, I just couldn’t let it go! If you would like a set of signed oversized postcards of my covers, email me at the address above.

And don’t forget…

Contest 3. Closes Thursday 20 March - win STRONGMAN

From Saturday, 15 th March to midnight Thursday 20th March, I’ll be collecting comments again, but this time the prize is a free download of STRONGMAN! Same deal - once again, comment as many times as you like. Every comment = one chance to win.

Contest 1. Subscribe and win!

During the month of March, anyone who subscribes to this blog or to a post will be entered in a draw to win an autographed, print copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR. All you have to do is type your email address in the box top left of this page or pick up an RSS feed. That’s it. Not exactly rocket science.

Welcome to Wordplay! This is the first of what I hope to make a regular Wednesday feature. At least, it’s Wednesday Down Under, she said doubtfully. Lufra only knows what day it is Over There. W for Wordplay, W for Wednesday. See how my mind works? Sad, isn’t it?

Anyway, never mind. Let’s get on with it. If you’re dubious about the concept, go read the Wordplay page, where All is Revealed. And know that we’re in this together. Doesn’t matter if you’re a reader or a writer, or both. What are words if we can’t have a conversation, hmm?

Slither

Fabulous word, isn’t it? Say it out loud. Sliiitherrr… Conjures up all sorts of sinuous, serpentine images. But slither also has a surreptitious feel to it, definitely suspicious. (All those S words!)

Slither is often confused with sliver, which is a noun. It sounds almost the same, but a sliver is a small fragment of something - a splinter or a shard. Makes me think of something narrow, sharp and poky. Ouch!

In my current WIP, a novella for the Berkley anthology, UNLACED (Dec 2008), I’m writing about a woman fighting a demonic possession, though she doesn’t know it yet. Her name is Meg and she’s watching herself in a mirror. You can guess what she’s doing.

The demon is trying to manipulate her emotions. I could have said the thought popped into Meg’s head or it appeared or it just was, but I wanted something that would engender a certain degree of apprehension in the reader, so… slither it was.

Her blue eyes had gone so dark they were almost black with lust. Gods, she needed a man! Preferably on his knees before her, worshipping her with his mouth. Meg narrowed her eyes and an image slithered out of her subconscious, complete in every lascivious detail.

Okay, your turn. Try your hand at a slithery sentence. Write a poem, silly or serious - slither rhymes with hither. Also thither.

Writers (published and unpublished), you’re welcome to share a great slithery sentence and give us a link to the book it came from. Equally, make one up or just muse on the word a bit. Show off your writing chops!

Would you like to suggest a word or phrase or even a theme for the Wordplay treatment? Go right ahead and we’ll do it another time. I LOVE lists, like darling Mirry. *snork*

Don’t forget, leave a comment and/or subscribe to this blog or a post to be in the running for an autographed copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR. A chance to win STRONGMAN next week! See the Current Contest page for details.

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