Under and Over with Denise Rossetti

When I saw this, I laughed out loud. don’t know what it’s like in your car, but in the Rossetti-mobile, it’s EXACTLY like this.

I have no clue why My Beloved soldiers grimly on, getting us lost, but it drives me around the bend and back again. (Sticking grimly with the metaphor here.) I suspect it’s something to do with that caveman instinct buried in the male hindbrain.

We bought one of those GPS navigator thingies to use while driving in the US and Canada. Guess what? He argued with it. He still argues with it. For the voice, we chose “Jane”, the cultured British gal. Sounds like she’s just stepped out of the BBC office for a mo to freshen up the lippie. For a while there, I was sure dear Jane was impervious to the ranting, but now I’m not so sure. She’s been dropping the occasional H. What’s next? Dropping the entire bundle?

Mind you, she and I might dead heat on the KER-SNAP!!  With the emphasis on dead.

Do you know any man who asks for directions? Do they even exist?

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I thought you might like to see some real Australian animals.  I’ll tell you more about Broome and the Kimberley in another post - or several. Big subject, that!

If you’ve been following along, you’ll know I was invited to present a couple of workshops at the Romance Writers of Australia Roadshow in Perth, along with the amazing Keri Arthur (woot!) and the delightful Kelly Hunter, who is also our Madam Prez. I did a workshop on Deep Point of View and another on how to write sexy, which the organising gals called The Sealed Section. *snort* I had a load of fun and I learned lots of useful things. Hope everyone else did too. Hmm…

My Beloved and I had some spare time in Perth. Now Perth is a truly beautiful city. I love the wide Swan River and the fresh vibrant ambiance of the place, but… When we were there, the city turned on the worst weather EVER! Perth is always windy, but it was almost gale-force, honest. The rain blew in horizontal sheets. It was foul.  Also cold.

So what did we do? We went to the Zoo.  It’s a fabulous zoo, with all sorts of exotic animals, but I thought some of you might be particularly interested in Australian fauna.

This elderly dingo was off on his daily constitutional with his keeper. The ones we saw in the wild in the Kimberley didn’t look anywhere near so prosperous, just lean and mean.  But it gives you a good idea of these beautiful animals. Sadly, the station-owners lay baits for them, in order to protect their cattle and sheep. What that means is that the surviving dingoes often have to hunt alone rather than in a pack. So they can only prey on smaller animals, like bandicoots and numbats and other little furry critters. No wallabies or roos. The little guys have a hard enough time with feral cats and foxes. Not a good situation if you’re small and tasty and endangered already. *sigh*

This is a life size statue  of a Red Kangaroo in Perth. (Yeah, yeah, I know I promised real, but if you think I’d be snuggling up the real thing, you’re nuts!) I thought you might like to see the size of it. This is about as big as they get. Mind you, I’m not especially tall at 5ft 3in, but it’s impressive isn’t it? Gives a whole new impression of cute and cuddly roos. A big male like this can jump over 30 feet in one bound. You can also see how windy it is! Sunny Perth-  huh!

More on the Kimberley later. Don’t won’t to overload you with too many pictures of red rocks just yet…

I’m so sorry. You must think I’ve abandoned you, or died, or something.

I’ve been totally buried in edits. And immediately after I finished the first lot, My Beloved and I went away to Perth. I did two workshops for a Romance Writers of Australia Roadshow there. Together with the amazing Keri Arthur and the delightful Kelly Hunter. My first workshop was on Deep Point of View - writing from inside your characters’ heads. I was blown away by some of the talent in the room. In the afternoon, I did a “Sealed Session”, all about writing erotic and sexy. It was quite a hoot, believe me. We covered all kinds of topics. *grin*

Then we flew up to Broome, in the northwest of Western Australia and did a trip out to the Kimberley, to Purnululu National Park, where the Bungle Bungles are - the most extraordinary mountain range, shaped like beehives, pierced by incredible gorges and chasms. It was HOT out there. More about it later, with pictures.

Since we’ve returned, I’ve been re-buried under edits and on the Deadline From Hell. I should surface next week. I love to chat with you, but I’m thinking that in the long run, it’s the book that matters. Yes?

Anyway, all positive thoughts will be greatly appreciated. I’m not the happiest of campers at the moment…

Okay, here it is - the lowdown on the very first Australian Romance Readers Convention! Yeehah! It was da bomb!

It was such a total blast! For the first time, I had readers come up to me with wide eyes, saying how much they love my books and would I sign - pretty please? Well, gosh, let me think about that for an entire nano-second… I can’t imagine the thrill of it would ever get old, not for me, anyway.

Hardly any of these pictures are actually mine - I stole ‘em from other blogs all over, but I’ve linked to them further down so you can go read about all the stuff I missed. I’m such a doofus - or possibly such a gasbag (ya think?) - that although I carried my shiny new camera everywhere, I clean forgot to take photos. Well, duh!

Best memories?

• The absolutely incredible, ear-shattering noise as I walked into the Friday night welcome reception. Hundreds of women, all shrieking with joy as they greeted each other. A tree full of screaming rainbow lorikeets had nothing on it.
• If MaryJanice Davidson gets tired of writing, she could make her living as a stand-up comedian. That woman is seriously FUNNY!
• Sherrilyn Kenyon describing her Deep South family - “We ain’t real bright,” she said in her Southern gal drawl. The word bogan springs to mind. (The Aussie version of redneck for you Over There.) She was so gracious and giving. The readers just ate her up!
• Amy Andrews talking about the man who came into Emergency with a can of hair mousse shoved up his rectum. Yep, that was funny enough, but the looks on the faces of the American authors - MJD, Susan Grant and Liz Maverick - were priceless. “Moose?” they said. “You mean with…antlers?” OMG, it’s all in the pronunciation!

 This one time, at band camp… Authors share anecdotes about where their story ideas come from..

Left to Right:  Liz Maverick, Amy Andrews, MaryJanice Davidson, Susan Grant

• I moderated a panel, “Love and Alternate Realities”. The panelists were Susan Grant, Keri Arthur, Tracey O’Hara and Angela Verdenius. Gulp! I was a tad nervous, I must admit, but the panelists were so responsive and so damn funny, and the audience so warm, I forgot all about the nerves after a while.
• Tracey showed off her dragon tattoo, Angela talked about her eleven beloved cats, Keri confessed her Labrador dog weighs 50 kilos (almost 8 stone) and Susan, the fearless fighter pilot, is afraid of ants. Go figure.
• The conversation rapidly became very um, interesting, ranging from centaur sex to vampire sex to alien sex and also to that alpha male soul mate thing - as in, “You are my mate! I shall now ravish you - and you will enjoy it!” Yeah, well - I have news for you, idiot. See this frying pan? DONG!

Urban fantasy, Sci-fi, futuristic - Love and Alternate Realities

Left to Right: Tracey O’Hara, Susan Grant, Keri Arthur, Angela Verdenius and me (moderating)

• The Author Signing sessions were great. I sat next to Stephanie Laurens. (Not bragging, oh no!) Poor woman had no choice, I simply plonked myself down next to her. I signed my books and conversed with my charming, though very short queue - but mainly I chatted with the long line of readers waiting patiently for Stephanie to sign. Was  fun!
• And in another Brush with Fame, I was on a panel with Sherrilyn Kenyon. I actually sat next to her! Yep, no kiddin’.
• The duelling cameras were a hoot. That was when I finally recalled I possessed a photographic device and pointed it at Harlequin author, Paula Roe. Being Paula, she pointed hers right back at me.
• I’m in awe at the organising skill of the ARRC gals. The whole thing went like clockwork. And they raised over $7,000 for the Bushfire Appeal with a silent auction!
• The Jasper Hotel itself constituted a highlight. Each floor was painted a different very VIVID colour - as in eyeball searingly vivid. My floor was purple, others tangerine, neon green, electric blue. But the best was what the girls called the “Barbie Exploded” floor - a hot pink so completely unrepentant, I winced every time the lift doors swished open. Ouch!But the rooms themselves were soothing and comfortable, and the staff delightful.
• The gala dinner was luverly. Everyone got gussied up and I wore my favourite red hooker heels. Go me! Picture below courtesy of Erica Hayes’ blog. Erica is about to hit the romance world with her dark underworld of fairies and Things That Go Bump in the Night. Can’t wait!

From Left to Right: Me, Keri Arthur, Tracey O’Hara, Erica Hayes

If you’d like to see and read more, visit Liz Maverick’s blog. She even has a couple of videos!

Then there’s Kat and Wundergurl on Book Thingo. They did the Twitter thing.

Marg’s Reading Adventures and Tez Says. Not to mention the ARRC site itself!

There was much talk about the NEXT ONE! Oh, I do hope so. Sydney in 2011 was the buzz. We’ll see…

Don’t you wish you’d been there? *chuckle* I should mention, BTW, that everyone staggered away with armloads of free books. So - who’s on board for 2011? How many of you go to the Romantic Times Convention? Did you enjoy yourselves? I’m actually considering it for next year in Nashville. Woohoo!

I’m off to Melbourne early tomorrow morning - so early, that my sister (who possesses a particularly elegant turn of phrase) refers to it as being up at “sparrow fart”.  I agree, which gives you some idea of how good I am at mornings.

But it’s all in a GOOD CAUSE!

I’m going to the very first Australian Romance Readers Convention! Yeehah! Like a Down Under version of the Romantic Times Convention. I’ve linked the logo below to the website if you’d like to take a look. Sherrilyn Kenyon, Stephanie Laurens, MaryJanice Davidson, Susan Grant and, and… I’m moderating a panel with Susan Grant and Keri Arthur on it, how’s that for cool?

With so many famous, fabulous authors there, I kind of feel I’ll get lost in the rush, but I’m sure there’ll be someone around to talk fantasy and hot alien sex with. I have wild dreams of being mobbed by adoring fangirls who have all bought my books, but somehow I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Never mind, next time. Heh heh. Right. To be totally accurate, it’ll be me doing the fangirl squeee.  I’ll have to practise getting my tongue untangled and removing my foot from my mouth, red shoes and all.

Anyhow, I have my camera, so I’ll be back posting in a few days, armed with the incriminating evidence. Oh boy, I can hardly wait!

I’ve just returned from a couple of days on an island off the coast here. Lord, it’s beautiful! There’s something so incredibly calming about the rhythm of the ocean, hearing the boom and the rush, watching the waves roll in - over and over and over. I like to think it’s always there, regardless of what happens in my little life. It was very good for me, that small break with a group of good friends. I’ve been a trifle stressed lately. Can’t imagine why, can you?

We sat up on a headland and watched the sun set behind the beach. I’ve seen better ones there, but this was still pretty damn nice.

The beaches are endless, absolutely magnificent. Such a gift.

Yesterday, I swam in crystal clear water, bobbling around in nice little waves - just my size! There were toddlers making sandcastles, parents with cameras, kids with boogie boards, sandy tail-waving dogs. It was hot, hot, HOT! 31C, but the sea breeze was lovely. It made all the difference.

Afterwards, we  went to the pub - it has the best view in the entire world. See below - and if you look very carefully, you might even see a prawn trawler out to sea.

I sat at a table and inhaled a G&T with plenty of lemon and ice, followed by a pub lunch of crumbed barramundi and chips and salad.  You would have liked it.

So tell me, what places in the world do you find calming? Or exhilarating, for that matter?

And BTW, Michelle Buonfiglio at Lifetime’s Romance B(uy) the book just selected UNLACED as this year’s Best Erotic Anthology! Whoohoo! Here’s the whole list.

Who is this “average woman” anyway? You ever met her? I’m sure haven’t! I think she’s a mythical creature, like the Loch Ness monster, or Big Foot. Oh no, wait a sec, she can’t be Big Foot, ‘cos she wouldn’t be able to find shoes to fit her.

Okay, I admit it - this is a vent,  pure and simple. But honest to god, it drives me nuts that I can’t buy shoes or clothes because I’m not “average”. Hell’s bells, I don’t know anyone average, do you?

I’m not even going to talk about bra sizes. Grrr…

But shoes? Aaaargh! You all know how much I love shoes, but I have small feet. Not impossibly small, mind you, a size 5, or a 35 European. I know other women with the same size feet. My mother’s are a whole size smaller.

Over the years, I’ve developed a kind of slide-over-’em gaze, specially for shoe shops.  I give the place a quick once over, never focusing on any one pair, because I mustn’t fall in love and risk a broken heart.  Then I brace myself, buttonhole an assistant and ask, “What do you have in a five? Do you have anything in a five? At all?”

In my naivety, when we went to the US, I thought there’d be hundreds of pairs of beautiful shoes, all size five, all jostling on the shelves, competing to come home with me. The hard part was going to be selecting from among the multitudes. I even had my heart set of a pair of cowboy boots - red ones.

Nope. NOPE!

My Beloved bought a faaabulous pair of cowboy boots. Mark Nason, on a sale. They are just gorgeous. *whimper*

But for me? Same old story. *sigh* Yes, I did buy a couple of pairs on a sale, useful, but not special, you know? I saw shelf after shelf of beauties, not a one in my size.

Next time, I’m going to Hong Kong, or Singapore - somewhere where women have small feet!

Your turn. Wanna vent? Be my guest! Go for it!

The wit and imagination of people never ceases to amaze me. While we were away, I collected nifty names for businesses. Some of them made me laugh out loud, especially when I thought of the staff answering the phone. I suppose they get used to it!

So here it is, another Wordplay. (We haven’t had one for ages.) And also a “I’m home, honey!” CONTEST!! To celebrate - if that’s the right word - coming home.

Bean ‘n’ Gone Expresso Drive Thru - Oliver, Okanagan, BC, Canada

Pick a Part Wreckers - Chilliwack, BC, Canada

See Ya Later Ranch (and winery)  - Okanagan, BC, Canada. That’s their logo on the right. Isn’t it cute? The original owner of the ranch adored dogs and had about fifty over his lifetime, most buried in a doggy cemetery on the property. A prolific letter writer, he always sighed off, “See Ya Later!”

Light ‘n’ Your Load Laundry, San Francisco

Citizen Chain Bicycles,  San Francisco

Doo Wash Cleaners, San Francisco

Site for Sore Eyes Optometrist, San Francisco

Good Earth Real Estate, San Francisco

I think my absolute favourite might be the Pick a Part Wreckers, but Citizen Chain is really smart too.

THE PRIZES (TWO OF THEM!):

The other thing I discovered was this wonderful business in Juneau, capital of Alaska, that manufactures and sells the most beeyootiful enamels.  I bought TWO as prizes, one for writers, one for readers (though it doesn’t really matter - it’s totally up to you.) They had hundreds, so if you’re intrigued, visit Wm Spear Designs and go nuts.

Choose between the Bookwings, which is a PIN (brooch)  or the Write Hard, Die Free, which is a FRIDGE MAGNET. Just remember which is which! Aren’t they great?  I know the photos aren’t brilliant, but believe me, the quality of the enamels is stunning and the colours are true and gorgeous.

 THE CONTEST:

All you have to do is leave a comment on this post - and you DO need to say in the body of your comment which prize you’d prefer, because there are the two.

You don’t have to offer up a nifty name, though if you know one I’m sure  we’d all love to hear it. But don’t beat yourself up about being clever - it’s not necessary,  okay?  As usual, My Beloved will pick two comments at random, one for each prize.

Contest closes midnight, EST, Friday 12th September, 2008.

What would you do if you had more money than God? More money than you could ever spend, no matter what you did with it? So much money that it just kept making more of itself?

What William Randolph Hearst did (among other things) was to build the house to end all houses, with every luxury imaginable (and more!). He then invited everyone entertaining, beautiful or important - Cary Grant, Charlie Chaplin, Joan Crawford, Winston Churchill, Charles Lindbergh, Greta Garbo, Errol Flynn. Even George Bernard Shaw. And lots of others.

Hearst Castle is at San Simeon, near Cambria, overlooking the Big Sur coast of California. Hearst was one of the first great media moguls, but he also inherited a mining fortune. The film Citizen Kane, starring Orson Welles, was loosely based on his life.

First thing to say is - I’m not posting any pictures. Why? you may ask. It’s not permitted, that’s why. *sigh* But I found this short film on Youtube. Just spend a few moments with it. The weather we had was very similar. Or go to the official website for Hearst Castle. The Wikipedia entry is also excellent and it has a great photo gallery. (Scroll down.)

But just to give you some idea. The house/s took almost 30 years to build. Architect Julia Morgan (that’s right, a woman) travelled by train and car down to the site from San Francisco every weekend from the beginning. Casa Grande, the main house, was modelled on a Spanish cathedral. It has 38 bedrooms and 30 fireplaces. The whole concept (there are two guest houses as well) was intended to be Mediterranean Renaissance in feel. To this end, Hearst purchased antiquities like there was no tomorrow - there are coffered ceilings, medieval tapestries, paintings and statues ranging from classical Greek and Roman to Renaissance and Egyptian. Where you see gold gilding, it’s real gold. The gardens are exquisite and impeccably maintained.

I didn’t much care for the bedrooms, too heavy and dark for my taste. But I loved the two pools - the outdoor Neptune Pool and the indoor Roman Pool. Johnny Weissmuller (probably the most famous Tarzan) is supposed to have swum laps there.

What my writerly mind found most intriguing was the insights into the character of William Randolph Hearst. He was a workaholic, a man of tremendous energy, vision and focus. He was involved in every facet of the building project, right down to the design of teeny-tiny tiles and his word was law. He also changed his mind a lot. Projects were continually modified and some abandoned.

He had very definite ideas of how he wanted his guests to behave. No drunkenness - and no bed-hopping either! Everyone was to be bright, happy and energetic - horse-riding, playing tennis, swimming etc. In the big dining room or refectory, where guests gathered for meals, was a long table. As you fell further from favour, or new guests arrived, your place card was moved further and further away from the centre of the table, where Hearst and his mistress, Marion Davies, sat. After a while, you realised it was time to go!

Immediately, I could see a character like that in a book, a strong, driving personality blessed with both money and power. Don’t you think someone like that would end up with an “emperor complex”? Imagine where that could take a character! Oooh, from good guy to villain, one slip at a time. A villain we could understand. Not psychotic, not a serial killer or a sociopath, but spoiled in a particular kind of way. Like Orson Welles, I’m inspired by the whole concept of a “Hearst” character.

In complete contrast, we visited the beach that afternoon and watched the adolescent elephant seals snoozing on the beach. Huge piles of mouldy blubber - they come at this time of year to moult and to practise their huffing and puffing.

You can see that this one hasn’t grown his nose properly yet. But they were already ginormous! And these were just the teenage boys! I couldn’t imagine the size of a full grown male. Sheesh! A dose of reality from Mother Nature.

So - what would you do if you had as much money as William Randolph Hearst? Build? Donate? Travel? Buy?

I know I’d love to travel and to have homes in several different places. Somewhere near Florence, in London, maybe Vancouver Island, here in Oz, of course. And I’d love to be able to donate to support the arts. I love glass and textile arts and I adore opera, but it’s such an expensive art form. Then there are literacy programs and libraries and education programs. Oh yes, and archaeological digs. And goddess, what about animals? And medical research? It would be totally involving. Plus, I admit I’d love to be able to afford handmade underwear and shoes. Ah…

What about you?

I’m baaaaack! Dammit.

My Beloved and I had so much fun, so many new experiences I’m still processing them all. I’m almost certain I could spend huge chunks of my life just travelling, meanwhile spending money like water. It’s a helluva lot of fun - interspersed with moments of sheer terror - generally associated with making connections with planes, trains and buses.

The last few highlights? Taking a helicopter trip up to Mendenhall Glacier (near Juneau) and going out on a dog sled with real dog mushers. I know the photo isn’t easy to decipher, but do try. It really is like that - all white. So impressive to sub-tropical me and my thin blood! Those little dots are the tents for the humans and the smaller dots are the dog kennels. The big lumps in the background are mountains with snow on them. The dog trainers arrive in April and stay til mid-Sept and the they LIVE there in tents, the lunatics, training for races like the Iditarod. You can see the landscape is just like stepping into a humongous freezer.

We got so brave we even stood up on the back of the sled and pretended to be the real thing! The dogs themselves are amazing, nowhere near as big as I expected and not especially husky-like at all. In the photo some are actually howling because they’re ready to run and they want to go, go, GO! They were perfectly friendly too and really appreciated a nice scratch behind the ears. They have great names like Krypton and Mike and Hotfoot (the lead dog) and Hasty, who stood on top of his kennel and yelled so loud, the trainer finally relented and let him come along.

Then there was the trip on the Bering Strait crab boat. The crew were all former professional fishermen and the boat had been on the reality show, The Deadliest Catch. Needless to say, everyone on board had seen it, except us. The stories they told curled my hair and I believed every word - they had the scars to prove it. Here I am with some huge horrible spiny wiggly Alaskan crabs. Erk! As you see, I’m doing my best to avoid the beasties and cuddle up to the nice captain. *grin* And the less said about the octopus the better. It was huge too, a dark maroon colour! Apart from humans, it’s the only predator for the Alaskan crabs.

It seems incredible, but it was only a few days ago we spent our last morning at Vancouver’s Granville Markets, overlooking the rainy, but beautiful (and busy) harbour. We marvelled at the extraordinary range of food stuffs and ate big fat black cherries, meanwhile avoiding the salmon pepperoni and the salmon candy. Good heavens, there are limits!

What next?

Now I’m back in the swing, you can expect regular posts again. So watch for them and come talk to me - I’ve missed you!

And a heads-up - I got some nifty bits and pieces for contest prizes while I was away. Speaking of which… Guess what was waiting for me when I got home? The ARCs (Advanced Review Copies) for THE FLAME AND THE SHADOW.  So think about that for a while. *chuckle*

In the very near future (as in NOW!) I have a book to write. Not my best thing, being creative under pressure. Luckily, I adore the characters. One big stubborn man and one small stubborn woman and - boom, fireworks! But more about Erik and Prue later.

Next week, I have to go back to work. I’m very determined not to think about that. *sigh* I’m definitely feeling flat, quite a let-down after so many weeks of excitement and indulgence.

So come and cheer me up. What’s the best, most exciting place you’ve been? My Beloved and I have rather been bitten by the travel bug, so I’d love to hear your recommendations. And do you get the “blahs” after it’s over, or are you just glad to be home? I must say, a real cup of tea (in a pot, with tea leaves) was simply wonderful!