Under and Over with Denise Rossetti

Welcome to the “First Time” cross-blog. 

In honour of UNLACED, our first anthology together, Jaci Burton, Jasmine Haynes, Joey W. Hill and I are talking about our “firsts” - first kiss,  first date, first love and first break-up.  Ah… Those were the days… When I originally read the stories, I was caught between laughter and tears.  Thank all the Powers That Be I’ll never see sixteen again!

Visit each of the blogs in turn to chat about a first and check out the giveaways from each author. I’ve put an easy link for you under each story. FOUR chances to win! We’ll announce our winners on Monday, 8th December.

I’m giving away a signed print copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR, or a download of any of my Ellora’s Cave books. You choose.

So, how did you survive your first break-up, hmm?

Jaci Burton:

My first breakup was with my first love. We’d been together for two years, had gotten engaged and I knew I was going to spend forever with him. But I was young, naive, and obviously needed to open my eyes to a few realities. So did he. He was very much a Mama’s boy. And when I bought a new car instead of saving money for a house like his mother thought I should, his mother told him I wasn’t good enough for him and he broke up with me. Even though I was crushed at the time, I really should thank her for that because no way would I have wanted to marry a 21 year old man who broke up with his fiancee because his mama told him to. Yikes!

Visit Jaci’s blog for the First Kiss stories and Jaci’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Jaci’s story, The Ties that Bind.

Jasmine Haynes:

My first break up was with Bob (see my answer to the first love question on Joey’s blog!).  It took me a year to get over him.  I also had to quit my job working for his mom because I cried every time I saw him.  At 17, you cry over everything.  I was like a watering pot.  But as much as I hurt over Bob, part of my grief was losing his mom as well.  Sometimes I look up to Heaven and think, “Thanks for believing in me, Chloe, I finally got published.”

Visit Jasmine’s blog for the First Date stories and Jasmine’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Jasmine’s story, Undone.

Joey W. Hill:

Oh, it was so horrible. I was quite the messed-up teenager (think Winona Ryder’s always despairing character in Beetlejuice, and you’ve about got the right picture of melodramatic/I want to die/my perfect life sucks angst – shudder). If I was my mother, I probably would have drowned me and started over (lol). Anyhow, I had dated this boy for several months in 10th grade. He was my first real boyfriend. My first love (see my blog and Jasmine’s for more about him) was so perfect – we didn’t even have a terrible break up. We were a long distance relationship and so mutually and amicably agreed that it was best to let one another go, though vowing always to be willing to watch out for one another if needed.

Back to my first real boyfriend. Here’s a cardinal rule – NEVER date anyone as messed up as yourself. Together we were the perfect self-esteem negative-zero, dysfunctional duo. When he got bored of me (and yes, those were his words – “I’m bored of it”), devastation ruled my life for the next several months. I did all sorts of humiliating, despicable things to win back his affections, pulling in friends to pass notes to him, sneaking past his house, arranging “chance” meetings, and cried so many tears into my pillow it’s a wonder I didn’t get face rot.

Thank God and any other responsible power, none of it worked. Eventually, a friend of mine introduced me to another guy more than willing to treat me badly and capitalize on my lack of self-respect, and life moved on. Fortunately, there are wonderful men out there, like my first love, and the man I ended up with. My husband makes me feel like a worthwhile human being every day, and all the lessons I learned from that first break up (as well as wonderful first love, and all the relationships in between) helped strengthen my relationship with him. For everything you endure or receive, there’s a reason! I’m also glad I didn’t get face rot (wink).

Visit Joey’s blog for the First Love stories and Joey’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Joey’s story, Controlled Response.

Denise Rossetti:

I went out with a guy who happened to own a vintage MG. It was a terrific car, loads of fun, but a tad - ahem - unreliable. It was also his major topic of conversation, and after a while I ran out of things to say about vintage MGs. I didn’t know much about them at eighteen. Still don’t, in fact.

I was much more interested in his friend, who, now I come to think of it, looked exactly like a racecourse spiv.

Anyway, my guy and I – do you know I can still see his face, but I don’t remember his name? Isn’t that awful? We drove off to a country picnic in the MG and part of the way home, it shuddered to a stop. “Aha!” said the MG nut, “I know what it is. The fuel line’s blocked. I can fix that.”

He leaped out, popped the bonnet and proceeded to SUCK the fuel line clear. Got that?

We drove home, and – you guessed it – he then leaped on me and attempted to clear my fuel line with his tongue.

The technique might have worked like a charm on the MG, but a petrol flavoured kiss did nothing for me. I’m funny like that. And that’s when I realized he had no sense of humour either.

That was it. Over.

Excerpt from my story, Rubies and Black Velvet.

Remember, I’m giving away a signed print copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR, or a download of any of my Ellora’s Cave books. You choose. We’ll announce our winners on Monday, 8th December.

Tell us about your first break-up. Did you walk away sighing with relief or was your heart broken clean in two? 

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You have to wonder. Some people seem to have a tenuous grip on reality…

A Japanese man has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying he feels more at ease in the “two-dimensional world.” He even launched an online petition aiming for one million signatures to present to the government to establish a law on marriages with cartoon characters.  Within a week he has gathered more than 1,000 signatures.

Of course, this is all about “manga” comic books, which are incredibly popular in Japan - and it’s not clear how tongue-in-cheek the suggestion is. I do have to say that some of the “yaoi” boys drawn by Japanese artists are very sexy, in a willowy, big-eyed kind of way, but I don’t think I’d want to marry one. (Not only that, he wouldn’t want to marry me, given I have the wrong plumbing.)

Who would you pick as your comic book lust object? I’m partial to the Phantom, always have been. I think what I like is that he doesn’t have any superpowers, just abs of steel and his skull ring. He also has sufficient nerve to wear his undies on the outside, plus he’s a dedicated family man and all around decent guy.

On the other hand, there’s Wolverine. Fancy him rotten, (especially when it’s Hugh Jackman) though those blades could be a worry in moments of passion…

A few weeks ago, I bought a pink T-shirt with “honeyfuggle” written right across the front in big friendly letters. I have a honeyfuggled bust.

“Honeyfuggle? I hear you ask. “What’s a honeyfuggle when it’s home?”

I’m not going to tell you straight up because I’d like you to roll the word around your mouth. I love the subliminal associations sounds and syllables make in our minds. I bet you have some ideas already! Honeyfuggle always sounds a bit naughty to me. But that could just be my dirty mind. *whistles innocently*

My other favourite shirt from this company says “wordnerd“. I like that one so much, I’ve almost worn it out. And before you ask, they don’t sell online and I only see them at this particular festival, from year to year. Very frustrating.

I wanted to buy bibacious for My Beloved, but unfortunately it didn’t come in a size big enough, which seems a little foolish when you consider what the word means. Fond of drinking. My Beloved loves his wine.

Here a few others:

• slubberdegullion ~ a slobbering or dirty fellow; a worthless sloven.
• blatherskite ~ a blustering, talkative fellow.
• graphospasm ~ writer’s cramp.
• tatterdemalion ~  a person in tattered clothing; a ragged or beggarly fellow; a ragamuffin.

As for honeyfuggle, what sort of visions did the word conjure in your mind?  Something sweet and a bit wicked? Or perhaps you saw Winnie the Pooh with his hunny pot.

Would you wear a T-shirt with honeyfuggle printed on the front? Or on the back for that matter? What about wordnerd? Or any arcane/archaic word?

Do you have a favourite T-shirt, and if so, what does it say?

And the meaning? Honeyfuggle is a verb. To honeyfuggle someone is to deceive, dupe, swindle or wheedle.

With honeyed words. See?

Did you guess?

It used to be that if I wanted flowers, I had to produce a baby. The level of commitment required did seem a little high, I always thought.

These days,  things are much better. There’s a lovely bunch of carnations and roses on my dressing table. My Beloved now remembers that I like purple flag iris and smelly things for the bath and orange-flavoured chocolate.

So take heart!  A hotel company did a survey of 2000 men aged 18 to 65 which found that men aged 53 are at their most romantic.  Aw…

• Fifty-three-year-olds are much more likely to surprise their partner with a simple gesture such as a walk in the summer rain or a sprinkle of rose petals in the bath. This is also the time they tend to splash out on chocolates, flowers and perfume.

• Of the 20- to 25-year-olds surveyed, only one in four said they had recently treated their loved one to a candlelit dinner compared with almost half of the over-50s.

• The study also found a third of the over 50s have recently surprised their partner with champagne compared with just 19 per cent of men in their 20s.

• An affectionate 73 per cent of older men said they told their partners they looked beautiful all the time and 85 per cent wouldn’t leave the house without kissing their loved one goodbye.

Surprised? Do you think men get better with age, like a good wine? Or do they just become more set in their ways? Like glue. 

I recall Sesame Street with tremendous fondness.  I always had an especially soft spot for Ze Count (”vun bat, two bats!”), but I loved Cookie Monster too, and the gentle Mr Snuffleupagus. Mind you, I’d have to love a beastie with such a wonderfully onomatopoeic name. Don’t worry, I had to use the spell check for that one. *blush*

I was reminded of those days of sticky little fingers when I came across this online interview with Cookie Monster. Go and watch, it’s the sweetest thing. Persevere through the short ad beforehand. The interviewer asks Cookie Monster a number of questions from the “Proust Questionnaire” and I got the strongest sense of deja vue when I heard them.

Then I remembered. Not long after I first signed with Ellora’s Cave, I did an interview with Just Erotic Romance Reviews and they asked a couple of the Proust questions. Here are all the questions Cookie Monster was asked and I’ve included my answers to ones from the JERR interview. The whole JERR interview is here on my website if you’re curious about the rest of it. Seems a long time ago now…

1. What is your favourite word?

2. What is your least favourite word?

3. What sound do you love?

An operatic baritone like Bryn Terfel reduces me to a puddle. Gotta love a man who can sing! Then there’s that chirrup of greeting cats offer to a beloved human. So sweet.

4. What sound do you hate?

Angry shouting - and it’s worse if the combatants are drunk.

5. What is your favourite curse word?

[I must admit, I thought long and hard about how to answer this one. So does Cookie Monster.]

Aussies aren’t known for being mealy-mouthed, so I’m afraid I let rip with all the usual obscenities, but my favorite cussword is “Pox!” You can say it in almost any company and it has a lovely virulent edge to it. Muttering “pox-rotted trollop” at some idiot (don’t care about gender) always relieves my feelings. Very eighteenth century.

6. Who would you like to see on a new dollar bill?

7. What profession other than your own, would you least like to do?

8. If you were reincarnated as some other animal or plant, what would it be?

9. If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you as you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

I hope She’ll say something like - “Not bad for a first try, little one. Want another go?”

I’d love to hear your responses to any or all of these questions. They’re interesting, aren’t they? And quite revealing too.Clever guy, that Proust.

You know, some people are verrrry strange.

Remember the old days when your mother warned you never to accept candy from a strange man…

This is the guy she was talking about!!!  

Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I’ve been busy over at the Maverick Authors’ blog, building the biggest, wobbliest TBR mountain you’ve seen in your life. [http://maverickauthors.com]

There’s still time if you wanna play for book prizes, but you’ll need to hurry!

Safe places worry the hell outta me. Let’s face it, I worry the hell outta me.

Before we left for Foreign Parts, My Beloved and I discussed where we should leave all those incredibly-important, but frequently-used type things. You know, like the spare set of car keys. DD doesn’t drive and we certainly didn’t want a burglar to find them.

Fine. Dandy.

I do recall, quite distinctly, that the process involved lugging the stepladder upstairs. Unfortunately, after that my memory fails me.

I’ve done this so often, all my life in fact. I can’t even claim galloping senility, I just have a brain like a sieve. I put something in a Safe Place - a place so damn safe that the object is never seen again - or turns up years later, somewhere decidedly peculiar. Much to my bemusement.

We still haven’t found those car keys. Hell’s bells, they must be around somewhere - they must be. But where? My Beloved clambered manfully up the ladder to inspect the high cupboard.

Nope. Grrrrrump!

I just hope we don’t need them before we have to turn the house upside down.

Do you belong to the “I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on” sisterhood? I’m a founding member.

Have you ever left something in a place so safe you never found it again? What’s your own very best “safe place”? What’s the strangest “safe place” you’ve heard of?

The things people do never cease to amaze me - juvenile, quirky and just plain nuts. Like taking their pants off in public. Recently I came across the 7th Annual No Pants! Subway Ride. Yep, you read that right - no pants.

It’s so weird, the whole concept has its own endearing charm - in a totally off-the-wall kinda way.

On Saturday January 12th, 2008 nearly 2,000 people took off their pants on subways in 10 cities around the world. In New York’s 7th Annual No Pants! Subway Ride there were around 900 participants, spread out over three subway lines.

Here’s a video of the event. Some of the looks on the bystanders’ faces are priceless. I’m not sure what my reaction would be - shock, embarrassment, amusement. What about you? Perhaps you think it’s stupid and a waste of time.

It was organised by a group called Improv Everywhere. (”We cause scenes”). Here’s what they say about themselves -

Improve Everywhere causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places. Created in August of 2001 by Charlie Todd, Improv Everywhere has executed over 70 missions involving thousands of undercover agents. The group is based in New York City.

Improv Everywhere is, at its core, about having fun. We’re big believers in “organized fun”. Our missions are a fun source of entertainment for the participants, those who happen to see us live, and those who read this website. We get satisfaction from coming up with an awesome idea and making it come to life. In the process we bring excitement to otherwise unexciting locales and give strangers a story they can tell for the rest of their lives. We’re out to prove that a prank doesn’t have to involve humiliation or embarrassment; it can simply be about making someone laugh, smile, or stop to notice the world around them.

Their Frozen Grand Central Station is a real hoot too.

I like the idea of random chaos and amusement. Not so sure about joy though! All those skinny hairy legs…

Have you ever done something zany “just because”? On a mad impulse? Or have you observed when someone else did? How did it turn out? Have you laughed ’til you cried in a crowd? It’s beautifully infectious that kind of thing, bonding though hilarity.

Sad to relate, I can’t think of an instance in my own life, though there must be some. I know I’ve worn some pretty strange clothes, also fancy dress costumes, in my time. But overall, I fear I’m a pretty staid character. *sigh*

And if you haven’t, like me, what do you think holds you back? What would make it possible? A group like this?

One lucky commenter in June will win an autographed copy of A Red Hot New Year, four sizzling stories to ring in the New Year, including my contribution, Coming on Strong!

Does he smell right? You can sniff your way to your own true love - did you know that?

There’s a relatively new branch of science called evolutionary psychology, dedicated to investigating the way our most primal instincts, the ones encoded deep in our DNA in caveman days, still influence our behaviour. I’ve always been fascinated by people and the things they do and say, so bear with me here. Most writers are inveterate and unrepentant people watchers, I find. Funny that!

One of the most interesting tests is the so-called “Sweaty T-shirt Experiment”, in which the subject gets to sniff the sweaty T-shirts of a several members of the opposite sex to determine which they find the most attractive. The hypothesis is that we are driven by our genes to select the mate who gives us the greatest chance of producing healthy offspring - that is, a person whose immune system and genetic makeup is VERY different from ours. Here’s Dr (Sir) Robert Winston explaining all about it. (There’s a slight degree of repetition in the middle. Ignore it.)

Got that? Amazing, isn’t it?

How much of attraction, and even love, is chemically based, do you think? For example, I loved the smell and the texture of My Beloved’s skin, from the very beginning. Still do, unless he’s sweaty enough to be gross. Physically, we’re very different types - I’m small and dark and sort of Celtic, he’s broad and blond, rather like a shorter, cuddlier Viking. And we had NO problem falling pregnant or making healthy babies. Scary, how easy it was, now I look back on it.

Have you ever thought someone smelled right - or wrong? And what happened after that, hmm?

Don’t forget - every month there’s a chance to win everything droolworthy - Tim Tams and hunkalicious postcards - including Mr Gorgeous . Check the Current Contest page and keep the comments coming!

As love at first sight stories go, Michael Caine’s is a beauty. Apparently, Caine saw his future wife, Shakira, in a TV commercial - and fell like a ton of bricks. “She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen,” he said. “I fell madly in love with a girl who I did not know and might never find.” But of course, he did. They’ve been married 35 years and she’s still beautiful, IMO. Those bones… *sigh*

Now they’re doing scientific research on love at first sight. A study of 700 students at three British universities showed that one look can be enough to gauge whether a long-term relationship is on the cards or just a one-night stand.

According to the research, subtle signals emanate from the shape of the jaw, nose size or narrowness of the eyes. We already know humans can judge a lot about another person from their face, including things like health and even some personality traits. But Ben Jones, from the University of Aberdeen’s Face Research Lab says, “…this really is the first study to show that people are also sensitive to subtle facial signals about the type of romantic relationships that others might enjoy.”

Lynda Boothroyd from Durham University’s psychology department adds, “…preferences for different types of face were actually quite strong. This shows that these initial impressions may be part of how we assess potential mates when we meet them.”

An earlier study at Ohio State University suggested that three minutes is all you need to make a good judgment about potential partners. Researchers paired off students and followed the progress of their relationships. They found that in the majority of cases, those who became closest had known that would be the outcome soon after meeting.

Okaay…I’m not sure I believe in love at first sight. Yes, I believe in incredibly strong attraction at first sight, serious liking at first sight, total lust at first sight.

But - I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this person at first sight?? Hmmm…

When I first met My Beloved, I was attracted immediately. He was cute, funny, intelligent and more than a little drunk. (There’s something highly significant about that sentence. I must have had a premonition.) He also had a girlfriend - nice girl but a bit horsey looking. Meowowow. What was particularly exhilarating though, was that he “got” me - he laughed at my jokes, for instance. Millions of men in this world don’t. I can’t imagine why.

But marry him? Have his babies and grow old together? Nu-uh, not at once, not in those first few minutes. Conversely, I’ve definitely had intense dislike at first sight experiences. The best example being a woman who was as nice as pie to my face, but for some reason I knew she hated me, though all my other friends said I was nuts. And I was right. *sigh* She did.

What’s your experience? Do you believe in love (not lust, liking or attraction) at first sight - real, true committed love? I would be so delighted to hear it happens - and that it works Happily Ever After! Perhaps it’s just a matter of degree?

Don’t forget - every month there’s a chance to win everything droolworthy - Tim Tams and hunkalicious postcards - including Mr Gorgeous . Check the Current Contest page and keep the comments coming!