Tell me, does this flip your switch? It passed the Rossetti giggle-out-loud test. Not many do.

But wait, there’s more. The rest of the joke goes like this -

I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend. He e-mailed back: “If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician.”

Boom, boom!

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You know how people quip that they’d forget their heads if they weren’t screwed on? I say that a lot. Because it’s true. I’ve always been a trifle absent-minded, but OMG - is it getting worse, or what?

Last year, My Beloved and I hid the spare car keys before we left for the USA and Canada. We can both recall the stepladder was involved, but can we remember where those damn keys are? Nope, of course not. We still haven’t found them.

A couple of days ago, I hid all my rings - that’s right, all of them, the ones I wear every day because I’m too scared to leave them at home for a burglar to find. But it’s been hot here, and very humid. Some days it’s too uncomfortable to wear rings, especially if I’m going for a healthful (hah!) walk or to the gym. So, this particular day, I decided to pop them somewhere out of sight. I remember thinking to myself that it wasn’t the most original hiding place, but at least I wasn’t making it too easy for a would-be thief.

The weekend went by. Come Monday, I reached for my rings and they weren’t in the usual place. WTF? Oh yes, I’d hidden them somewhere in the bedroom. No problem.

Do you think I could remember where?

And guess what? I was too scared to search, in case I couldn’t find them.  How sad and twisted is that?

Thankfully, when I came to do the laundry, there they were - shining up at me from the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper.  I still have absolutely no recollection of putting them there. None. I’m losing my marbles due to galloping senility, I swear.

Please tell me you’ve done something similar. I’m scared. *sigh*

Strange things happen sometimes. Two lost dogs on the same day - who’d have thought it? Weird! I’m sure it’s deeply significant, something to do with cosmic synchronicity, but I can’t quite work how it fits.

Dog #1.

A kelpie cross, belonging to the folk over the road. A perfectly nice dog, but more than a bit silly,  downright skittish in fact. I’d just pulled out of the driveway and there she was - trotting happily down the middle of the road. When I called her she ran. Hmm… So I whipped out my shiny new iPhone and rang. “Hello?” said a male voice, very cautiously. It was my neighbour all right, but he was in Malaysia. Malaysia? Never mind, he said, he’d contact his wife and take care of it, so I drove off to work, pondering the wonders of modern technology.

This isn’t her, but she looks very much like this.

Dog #2.

I heard My Beloved drive into the garage the same night. Then his voice, talking to someone - protesting. Then yelling my name at the front door. When I opened up, there he was, with his arms full of parcels he’d picked up from the post office, accompanied by an enormous German Shepherd. The dog was perfectly self-possessed and extremely friendly. In no uncertain terms, it wanted to come in, so it did, shoving past both of us like a big furry bear. I was laughing too hard to stop it and My Beloved had his hands full. Puss leaped to the top of the table with his eyes like saucers and every whisker quivering. Thankfully, Visitor Dog didn’t see him and our own dog was happily oblivious, playing in the backyard.

Yes, I know this is Inspector Rex (he’s a German police doggy detective, in case you didn’t know), but our visitor looked like she could have been his sister, with the same intelligent handsome face. She was certainly just as self-possessed.

Eventually, we got a lead on her and took her home - or rather she took me. I was pulled along behind like a kite on a string. She lives down the road in  the other direction, and her people were very glad to see her.

Strange though, I’m still trying to work out what it all means. Any ideas? Oh, and remind me to to tell you all about the return of Snakey.

Steampunk is the new buzzword around Genre World. Exactly what it means is open to interpretation, but there do seem to be a few constants. Like dirty great steam machines. heh heh

This video is an absolute hoot. Totally brilliant. What’s more, it contains most of the elements of ’steampunk’ - especially the aforesaid dirty great steam machines. *grin*

Enjoy!

Thanks to Eleni for drawing my attention to it.

The Taxation Office decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the city office.

The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer in tow. The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the Taxation Office finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa, unfazed. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and shrugs. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks again. Why not? It’s not as if he can lose. He says, “It’s a bet.”

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

Grandpa sure isn’t blind, so after a moment’s hesitation, the auditor takes the plunge.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s lawyer as a witness. He starts to get real nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” asks Grandpa. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

There’s a terrible moan from the other side of the room. Grandpa’s lawyer is sitting with his head in his hands, crying.

“Heck, man, are you okay?”asks the auditor .

“Noooo!” sobs the lawyer. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”

Boom, boom! I love clever jokes. I thought it was funny. You?

To my mind, this video encapsulates everything about the joy of love. It bubbles with happiness, with optimism and strength.

If this doesn’t work, go to YouTube and search for Jill and Kevin. You’ll find it.

Didn’t you love the gerberas? Such a cheerful “in-your-face” flower. And the expressions on the faces of the congregation are simply priceless. I bet the reception was an absolute hoot!

I love weddings, though mine was um, interesting. In the weeks before my GARDEN wedding, it rained cats and dogs every single day. The result was a flood of such major proportions that the city ground to a halt. I still remember my mother-in-law-to-be sobbing to my Mum on the phone that there was 20 feet of water between her family and the GARDEN wedding. My Mum cried too. When I stood next to My Beloved in front of the minister (INDOORS), I looked up at him (My Beloved, not the reverend) with so much love in my heart, thinking, well at least I have my darling. His beautiful blond hair was in wet rats tails and a big drop fell off the end of his nose. *sigh*

The electric organ didn’t work, so we had an out-of-tune piano. The cake was on the other side of the aforementioned 20 feet of water. Half the guests couldn’t make it, so we invited all the neighbours. When I tossed the bouquet, it landed on the top of a tall cupboard. Someone shoved a chair at me, so I climbed up, grabbed it and re-tossed.

Because the airport was closed, we spent our wedding night in his little flat - full of bachelor housekeeping - musty towels, old newspapers etc And a squillion slugs who were so wet they’d crawled in under the door looking for a dry spot. I cried so hard, he let me choose the hotel for the next night. The one I picked got flooded the following day. I waded out of the hotel foyer in my bikini and the water came up to my armpits. It was cold. And dirty. Blech.

It was all “up” from there. And has been ever since!

Ah, weddings! Any good stories? And did you like the video? Did you feel like dancing down the aisle? *smile*

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey .  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over..  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

BOOM! BOOM!

Oh dear! Couldn’t resist, sorry…

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

Wait for it… Wait for it…

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered: ‘I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay  behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.’

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to ‘Think Outside of the Box.’

Yeah, right. Stuff like this makes me want to reach for the nearest bucket. Talk about smartarsery! I much prefer this answer…

HOWEVER…., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

Doncha love happy endings?

Off to Perth at some ungodly hour in the morning for the Romance Writers of Australia Roadshow, then on to Broome. Pearls and diamonds…oooh, yeah! More later.

I can never find any of the lids to my Tupperware containers. Yes, they live in a cupboard, but it’s a low corner cupboard and I have to bend right down to peer into it.  Therefore, I can NEVER seem to find the square lid that I need for the square container - only the round one. I’m convinced those pesky lids go skipping off somewhere like teeny-weeny flying saucers. 

So here’s an interesting scientific study on where Tupperware lids get to.  Don’t miss the most gorgeous video of a puppy playing with Tupperware too. Scroll down a tad.

We all know I’m the Queen of Procrastination ruling over the Land of Clutter - because I say so frequently. But is it only me? When you open the cupboard door, do your lids line up like soldiers and salute?.

From today, I’ll be trying a new type of post on the blog - short, cute and quirky. As you may have noticed, I’m finding it harder to write longer posts as frequently as I would like. It’s not a Good Thing for the posts to come further and fuuuuuurther apart, is it?

On the other hand, it’s also not a Good Thing for me to skimp on my real job - which is writing the best books I can for you to read. Is it?

So I’ll be trying to blog every couple of days, even if the post is a minimum - a joke, a picture, a link to something interesting. But because I can’t resist talking to you about ideas and interesting stuff and Life In General, I will still be writing longer posts, but I’ll be popping in the other bits and pieces to keep you amused in the meantime.

Here we go - one cute and one quirky (C&Q). You guess which is which.

The first “Testicular Guard” was used in cricket in 1874.

The first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

 BTW, you’re welcome to send me C&Q (cute and quirky) fodder.