This is amazing - so amazing it makes me a little suspicious. But hey, that’s just me. Get a load of this woofer, that’s a helluva lot of Pal right there.

Dog  For Sale
 Free  to good home. Excellent guard dog.  Owner  cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more  drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the  neighborhood for him to eat.   Most  of them knew Jethro only by his Oriental  street name,   Ho Lee Schitt.

I’ll post about the Romance Writers of Australia Conference later, when I’ve recovered properly and got the photos organised. Geez, I had a good time.*grin*

I’ve never been an outdoor girl. Give me a bed and a book and a cuppa tea.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing animals in the wild and Nature’s beauty restores my soul. But the … ah… logistics really bother me. Okay, okay, I confess - the main issue is going to the toilet.  Not having convenient plumbing on the outside like a guy makes it a tad difficult. When you squat, inquisitive vegetation wants to get personal with your nether regions. And it’s always prickly. Then there’s the whole issue of the pants hooked around your knees - slap bang in the way. Not to mention the rest of it - digging holes, balancing while you wipe etc etc

Let’s not forget the wild life either. When DD was about six, she had to go while we were on a rainforest walk. (I swear her bladder is the size of a pea.) She collected a leech in a VERY bad place. The sight of her capering about and screaming with the leech dangling is graven in my memory.*shudder*

Probably ruined the poor kid for life. Speaking of which..

I imagine this poor woman is about to be ruined for life too. Oh dear.

Are you better at the outdoor stuff than me? (No details, BTW!) The rest of camping escapes me too. I’m just not very practical, I guess. Do you enjoy camping? Why?

I squibbed on the blog upgrade. What can I say? I took one look at all those truly hideous geeky instructions and I just…well, I just felt tired, all right? I can do it another day.

In the meantime, I thought we might discuss hair lice.

OMG!, I hear you scream, why hair lice? Here’s what got me thinking of them again -

Isn’t it a hoot? I laughed out loud when I saw it - which is my general gauge of blog-worthiness. It’s from  Longmire does Romance Novels. Go  have a look and a giggle.

But it took me right back too, to the - shudder - days of head lice. DD has the most beautiful hair, really thick. She’s also one of the most determined people I know and nothing would do but for her to grow it long. When she was seven, the head lice adored it so much, they set up Louse Town on her scalp. I hit the little buggers with natural remedies first. Nope. So I held our noses and tried something that smelled like undiluted DDT. Nope.

In desperation, I took her out to the back verandah with a ruler and my big sewing scissors and I cut it. Unfortunately, as a hairdresser I make a great romance writer and the back came out at the strangest angle. Gave me vertigo. So I evened it out. *snip, snip, snip*  From being halfway down her back, she ended up with a pageboy around her ears.

Poor little darling. She went into her room, took one look in the mirror and came over all weak and strange. She had to go to bed and lie down for a while to get over the shock. I felt like Delilah - and not in a good way either.

OTOH, with her hair shorter, I was able to get rid of the damn things. I guess it was poetic justice that a few of the little horrors transferred themselves to me. *shudder* I had absolutely no problem bathing in the DDT stuff. It was orange from memory. Probably accounts for a few things now.

Please don’t tell me I’m the only one….

Strange things happen sometimes. Two lost dogs on the same day - who’d have thought it? Weird! I’m sure it’s deeply significant, something to do with cosmic synchronicity, but I can’t quite work how it fits.

Dog #1.

A kelpie cross, belonging to the folk over the road. A perfectly nice dog, but more than a bit silly,  downright skittish in fact. I’d just pulled out of the driveway and there she was - trotting happily down the middle of the road. When I called her she ran. Hmm… So I whipped out my shiny new iPhone and rang. “Hello?” said a male voice, very cautiously. It was my neighbour all right, but he was in Malaysia. Malaysia? Never mind, he said, he’d contact his wife and take care of it, so I drove off to work, pondering the wonders of modern technology.

This isn’t her, but she looks very much like this.

Dog #2.

I heard My Beloved drive into the garage the same night. Then his voice, talking to someone - protesting. Then yelling my name at the front door. When I opened up, there he was, with his arms full of parcels he’d picked up from the post office, accompanied by an enormous German Shepherd. The dog was perfectly self-possessed and extremely friendly. In no uncertain terms, it wanted to come in, so it did, shoving past both of us like a big furry bear. I was laughing too hard to stop it and My Beloved had his hands full. Puss leaped to the top of the table with his eyes like saucers and every whisker quivering. Thankfully, Visitor Dog didn’t see him and our own dog was happily oblivious, playing in the backyard.

Yes, I know this is Inspector Rex (he’s a German police doggy detective, in case you didn’t know), but our visitor looked like she could have been his sister, with the same intelligent handsome face. She was certainly just as self-possessed.

Eventually, we got a lead on her and took her home - or rather she took me. I was pulled along behind like a kite on a string. She lives down the road in  the other direction, and her people were very glad to see her.

Strange though, I’m still trying to work out what it all means. Any ideas? Oh, and remind me to to tell you all about the return of Snakey.

What do you think is funny? Humour might be universal, but what makes us laugh isn’t.

Comedian Dan Antopolski has won a prize for the funniest joke of this year’s Edinburgh Fringe. The funnyman, who has previously been nominated for the Perrier award, picked up the trophy from TV channel Dave.

Nine comedy critics sat through thousands of jokes before choosing 27 for viewers to vote on.

The Top 10 jokes were judged to be:

• 1. Dan Antopolski - “Hedgehogs - why can’t they just share the hedge?”

• 2. Paddy Lennox - “I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’.”

• 3. Sarah Millican - “I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they’re up where they belong.”

• 4. Zoe Lyons - “I went on a girls’ night out recently. The invitation said ‘dress to kill’. I went as Rose West.”

• 5. Jack Whitehall - “I’m sure wherever my dad is; he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”

• 6. Adam Hills - “Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you’re going to get it, but it’s going to be rough.”

• 7. Marcus Brigstocke - “To the people who’ve got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn’t invent it!”

• 8. Rhod Gilbert - “A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.”

• 9. Dan Antopolski - “I’ve been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I’ve seen it six times and there isn’t.”

• 10. Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) - “I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn’t finish a lot of them.”

The judges sat through an average of 60 comedy performances each before creating a shortlist of 27 jokes.  More than 3,000 comedy fans voted, with almost 18% choosing Antopolski’s one-liner. Antopolski said: “I’m delighted to get the prize. Although I have won things before at the Fringe, this definitely means the most to me and that it should unite my loves of hedgehogs, comedy and Dave makes this prize very special.”

The judges also listed some of the worst jokes at this year’s Fringe.

• Frank Woodley - “I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling.”

• Alistair McGowan - “I’ve just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we’d sat down a bit more…”

And here for the hell of it, is a spiny echnida, the Australian equivalent of a hedgehog. It’s a marsupial and it eats ants and termites. Cute little beastie.

I really like the top three. I guess because they’re clever, and that always appeals to me. What about you?

When I saw this, I laughed out loud. don’t know what it’s like in your car, but in the Rossetti-mobile, it’s EXACTLY like this.

I have no clue why My Beloved soldiers grimly on, getting us lost, but it drives me around the bend and back again. (Sticking grimly with the metaphor here.) I suspect it’s something to do with that caveman instinct buried in the male hindbrain.

We bought one of those GPS navigator thingies to use while driving in the US and Canada. Guess what? He argued with it. He still argues with it. For the voice, we chose “Jane”, the cultured British gal. Sounds like she’s just stepped out of the BBC office for a mo to freshen up the lippie. For a while there, I was sure dear Jane was impervious to the ranting, but now I’m not so sure. She’s been dropping the occasional H. What’s next? Dropping the entire bundle?

Mind you, she and I might dead heat on the KER-SNAP!!  With the emphasis on dead.

Do you know any man who asks for directions? Do they even exist?

I thought you might like to see some real Australian animals.  I’ll tell you more about Broome and the Kimberley in another post - or several. Big subject, that!

If you’ve been following along, you’ll know I was invited to present a couple of workshops at the Romance Writers of Australia Roadshow in Perth, along with the amazing Keri Arthur (woot!) and the delightful Kelly Hunter, who is also our Madam Prez. I did a workshop on Deep Point of View and another on how to write sexy, which the organising gals called The Sealed Section. *snort* I had a load of fun and I learned lots of useful things. Hope everyone else did too. Hmm…

My Beloved and I had some spare time in Perth. Now Perth is a truly beautiful city. I love the wide Swan River and the fresh vibrant ambiance of the place, but… When we were there, the city turned on the worst weather EVER! Perth is always windy, but it was almost gale-force, honest. The rain blew in horizontal sheets. It was foul.  Also cold.

So what did we do? We went to the Zoo.  It’s a fabulous zoo, with all sorts of exotic animals, but I thought some of you might be particularly interested in Australian fauna.

This elderly dingo was off on his daily constitutional with his keeper. The ones we saw in the wild in the Kimberley didn’t look anywhere near so prosperous, just lean and mean.  But it gives you a good idea of these beautiful animals. Sadly, the station-owners lay baits for them, in order to protect their cattle and sheep. What that means is that the surviving dingoes often have to hunt alone rather than in a pack. So they can only prey on smaller animals, like bandicoots and numbats and other little furry critters. No wallabies or roos. The little guys have a hard enough time with feral cats and foxes. Not a good situation if you’re small and tasty and endangered already. *sigh*

This is a life size statue  of a Red Kangaroo in Perth. (Yeah, yeah, I know I promised real, but if you think I’d be snuggling up the real thing, you’re nuts!) I thought you might like to see the size of it. This is about as big as they get. Mind you, I’m not especially tall at 5ft 3in, but it’s impressive isn’t it? Gives a whole new impression of cute and cuddly roos. A big male like this can jump over 30 feet in one bound. You can also see how windy it is! Sunny Perth-  huh!

More on the Kimberley later. Don’t won’t to overload you with too many pictures of red rocks just yet…

 Happy Easter, my dears! Regardless of whether you’ll celebrate - or how. Here, in honour of the season, are two things that are excessively sweet. Enjoy! Hope you’re good at withstanding temptation. heh heh

Aw… Don’t you love those big blue eyes?

And now, for the second item…

THE MOST DANGEROUS CAKE RECIPE

 5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

Ingredients:

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
a small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Instructions:

1. Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
2. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
3. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high).
4. The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don’t be alarmed!
5. Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
6. EAT! (This can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?

Because now you are only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

 Evil, aren’t I? *cackle*

Have a wonderful Easter, especially if there’s family time involved.

I feel a bit guilty about this.  Because I know I should be the one providing the bloggy entertainment.

But the LOL cats are soooo majorly cute and sometimes incredibly clever and laugh-out-loud funny, that I’m going to forgive myself and do it anyway. So here we go..drum roll…

The LOL Cats!!!

Presented here on Under and Over for your delectation - and to make you giggle.

DD just adores the LOLcats. In fact, she was the one who showed me these pics du jour, meanwhile snickering her head off the whole time.

It’s most peculiar. I’m such a pedant about words and I simply can’t bear cutesy, fluffy things - things that are twee. And yet, the LOLcats are all about being cutsie-pie  - not to mention mangling the English language beyond recognition. Normally, I hate that!

Why do I enjoy them so much? I can’t quite work it out. The spelling/grammar abominations even seem to add to the whimsical appeal, provided I don’t have to puzzle too long to get the joke.  I don’t even mind the sugar hit, well, not too much.

There are lots more LOLcats on the website.

I’m more a cat person than a dog person, though I do like dogs very much. On reflection, I think I like the LOLcats because each photo shows love and understanding about cats, in all their infuriating, endearing feline-ness. Then there’s the sheer wit of some of the captions, like the dunecat one above. It’s only really funny (or even understandable) if you’ve read Frank Herbert’s classic fantasy/SF novel, Dune.

Did the LOLcats humour make you smile?

I’m such a suburban gal, I tend to forget about the wildlife that shares my home. But I got a four foot reminder the other day. I’d backed the car out of the garage, and hopped out to shut the gates, when I saw - something like this, curled up in the grass. Except there was no head showing.

Hmm, I thought, not being especially quick on the uptake. I think it’s a snake and it’s, um, fast asleep.

I stood at a very safe distance and cleared my throat. Nope. I stamped my foot. Nope. I said, “Hey, snakey? You awake?” Nope.

Weird. I’d always thought wild animals were all alert and feral and stuff. After a pause for thought, I found a very, very long grass stem and tickled it. I was pretty sure it was a carpet snake, by the way. They do bite, but really only if cornered and they’re very useful to have around. They eat rats by the cartload.

Snakey woke up, looked at me in reptile disgust and slithered off. It was at least four feet long - at least! At its thickest, it would have been about the circumference of my upper arm.

But where did it go? Our house is an older wooden one, raised on stumps. And we’re not very tidy people, I’m sorry to say, so a lot of junk gets stored under there. Snakey disappeared into a pile of cardboard boxes. I bet it’s still there. I bet it’s living there. I bet we’ll be leaving those boxes alone!

It’s interesting. We certainly don’t have rats any more, though we had terrible trouble with them a little while ago. And then there’s the possums - two sorts, brushtails and ringtails. They’re cute little critters, unless of course, they’re fornicating in the ceiling while wearing their hobnailed boots and peeing in excitement.

Hmm… It’s been very quiet in our ceiling lately…

Remind me to tell you about the green tree snake I met in the letter box. Ah, life in Australia…