Archive for December, 2009

Dec
28

An Aussie Christmas

Posted by Denise on December 28, 2009 under Humour, Life

I thought that you folks Over There might like to experience the flavour of an Aussie Christmas, so here’s a ’seasonal’ poem. High literature it ain’t - enjoy!

BTW, as I write this, I’m sitting at my desk in a sarong, looking out the window at the mangoes beginning to blush on our big old tree. Meanwhile, it’s raining - steady subtropical wet stuff, with a sauna to follow when the sun comes out and sucks all the moisture out of the ground. I’m finally considering air conditioning. *sigh*

‘Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn’t a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We’d left on the table some tucker and beer,
Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced ’round in our heads;

And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.
When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty ‘roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I’m telling the truth it’s all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the ‘roos, by calling their names.

‘ Now , Kylie ! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane !
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne !
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I’ll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!’

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.
His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,

Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;
He strolled out on deck and his ‘roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates -

‘MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!’

Let me know if there’s something you’re curious about.For example, Shazza and Bazza are the nicknames for Sharon and Barry, respectively. Not something a foreigner might intuit!

Hope your Christmas was simply wonderful, full of love and ease. Mine wasn’t too damn bad at all! I know I’m blessed and I’m infinitely grateful.


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Dec
16

Not an Outdoor Girl

Posted by Denise on December 16, 2009 under Animals, Humour, Life

I’ve never been an outdoor girl. Give me a bed and a book and a cuppa tea.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing animals in the wild and Nature’s beauty restores my soul. But the … ah… logistics really bother me. Okay, okay, I confess - the main issue is going to the toilet.  Not having convenient plumbing on the outside like a guy makes it a tad difficult. When you squat, inquisitive vegetation wants to get personal with your nether regions. And it’s always prickly. Then there’s the whole issue of the pants hooked around your knees - slap bang in the way. Not to mention the rest of it - digging holes, balancing while you wipe etc etc

Let’s not forget the wild life either. When DD was about six, she had to go while we were on a rainforest walk. (I swear her bladder is the size of a pea.) She collected a leech in a VERY bad place. The sight of her capering about and screaming with the leech dangling is graven in my memory.*shudder*

Probably ruined the poor kid for life. Speaking of which..

ohdear.jpg

I imagine this poor woman is about to be ruined for life too. Oh dear.

Are you better at the outdoor stuff than me? (No details, BTW!) The rest of camping escapes me too. I’m just not very practical, I guess. Do you enjoy camping? Why?


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Dec
10

Bye bye Yahell

Posted by Denise on December 10, 2009 under Freebies, Humour, Life

I’m terminating Yahoo with EXTREME PREJUDICE.

BOOOOOM!!!

It might be free, but hell - you get what you pay for! I’ve been using Yahoo for my monthly newsletter since the very first issue (in May 2006) and I have finally had EEEENOUGH!

From this moment on, I’ve shifted my newsletter - that is, my whole newsletter ‘family’ - to another service. One that’s professional. Sure, it costs, but dammit, it actually works!

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE!

There are free gifts on joining. *hint, hint*  *cackle*

(NOTE: Existing subscribers should have come along for the ride. If you’re worried about anything, email me and I’ll sort it out.)

I love these folk, they really are ‘family’ to me, and I try to offer them special stuff that you can’t get elsewhere - exclusive excerpts, free books, regular contests, glimpses of my life. Then of course, there’s the ongoing saga of Rackety Kate and the Pirates.  *grin*

So what does Yahell do???

Hah! It stops sending the newsletter to bunches of my faithful subscribers.  And it’s totally random - differs from one month to the next. If I send the newsletter a second time in a month, it doesn’t help, the same people miss out and the rest are irritated by getting it twice.

Either I look like a slack tart who doesn’t care and can’t be bothered, or an overanxious pest who floods your inbox.   Grrr…

Right. *settles feathers* Rant over. Thanks for listening. I’ve changed all the links on my website and this blog to point to the new service.  If you’re not already a member of my ‘family’, give it a try. Sheesh, sounds like a serial killers’ commune, doesn’t it? I’m harmless. Honest. Heh heh.

Anyone else have something they’d like to get off their chest about Yahell? *snort*


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Dec
08

Bumps and Briefs - Rackety Kate, Ch25

Posted by Denise on December 8, 2009 under Excerpts, Freebies, Humour

 It’s newsletter time, which means…

Rackety Kate and the Pirates

Chapter 25

Bumps and Briefs

The story so far:
Duka and the Duchess, Harley and Chan, all disappear into the night, well-satisfied. Kate’s pretty happy too, cuddling up with Jack and dropping off into a happily exhausted sleep. If it wasn’t for the ominous tap, tap, tapping of the Rossetti woman’s keyboard…

You can read all of Kate here – http://www.deniserossetti.com/kate.html

Sometime during the night, Kate woke, tears streaming down her cheeks – even though she never cried. She couldn’t recall the substance of her dreams, but her arms and legs were twined about Jack’s sleeping form as if he were about to be torn from her. Over the regular soothing boom of the surf, she heard the sound she dreaded - tap, tap, tappity, tap. Stubbornly, she clung even harder.

“No,” she muttered through clenched teeth. “I won’t leave him. You can’t make me.”

Tap, tap, tap. The sound sped up, the little clicks running together, merging into a long murmuring rush like tropical rain on the roof. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…

Kate’s eyelids drooped like lead shutters. She struggled. “Jack!” She shook his shoulder.

Jack opened one sleepy hazel eye. “Humpf?” he said.

“Hold onto me! Don’t let me go!”

“‘Course not.” Jack slid a warm, appreciative palm over the curve of Kate’s backside. “Never gonna…let…you…let…you…” His words trailed away and his lashes fluttered down.

“Jack? Jack!” When she tried to rouse him, he simply drew her closer, nuzzling the skin under her ear, mumbling unintelligibly. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear he was drunk. “Hate you, Rossetti,” she muttered. “Hate—” But she was overtaken by a jaw-cracking yawn. Her head swam, images flashing by beneath her eyelids – Duka, with the Duchess over his knee, her upraised bottom a delightful stinging pink; Peter, stretching up to release Tom Cavanagh’s bonds and Tom flushing brick red as he did it; Harley’s bad boy grin and dark tossing curls; the Comte de Nothos, his pale perfect body and shining pointy teeth. Then there was Jack – his tiger gaze, his body cradling hers as they floated in the jungle pool, his hard length buried as deep inside her as it would go. His kisses – hot and wet and searching, tender and coaxing.

Everyone she’d met on Sweet Sisters Isle had found their happiness, even Ess and Tess, the Hormone Harlots. There was nothing left for her to do – except love Jack for the rest of her life. Oh God. Nothing left to do. Nothing at all.

Each vision pulled her further into the dark velvet of unconsciousness, sleep cushioning her like a soft warm blanket, safe forever in Jack’s arms.

It was a lie. She wasn’t safe at all.

***

Want more? You can read all of Kate and see more pirates on the Rackety Kate page. Want even more than that? Join my newsletter - see below.


Now, in case you don’t know how it works…
You and I are participating characters in these adventures, one every month. Cool, huh? By joining my newsletter list, - http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/deniserossetti - you get to make the decisions about our heroine’s love life (via a Yahoo Poll), and you receive each chapter a month in advance of the website. Majority rules and our girl does what she’s told. Though I have a funny feeling about Kate…I play god(dess) which pushes all my evil-type buttons, and sometimes newsletter readers get to create characters and situations. It’s all good healthy wicked fun and occasionally, there are prizes. Oh, and lots of hot, kinky sex. Yeah!At the end of every newsletter chapter, you usually find three choices or a contest question with prizes.

Subscribers to my newsletter get to interfere with Kate’s love life. Sign up to join the fun!