Under and Over with Denise Rossetti

I’ve always wanted to sound like Lauren Bacall - all husky and sexy. Well, now I do, because I’m still recovering from the Romance Writers of Australia conference last weekend. I’ll be back to my usual girly soprano soon, but I’m enjoying the “femme fatale” effect while I can.

So, how was it? I can say, hands-down, it was the best conference I’ve attended. Maybe that’s because I was on the organising committee, but truly, it was great.  I estimate I walked/ran the equivalent of a marathon over the weekend. There was sooo much to do! But I loved it.

So many highlights -

• our wonderful guest speaker, Mary Jo Putney, so knowledgeable and so gracious.
• the editors and agents who attended, and patiently and kindly listened to pitches - Mary Theresa Hussey, Melissa Jeglinski, Clare Foster and Annette Barlow.
• a brilliant selection of workshops - ranging from great craft sessions to experts like a high-ranking police officer, a practising psychologist and a pharmacist. Did you know it’s much harder than you might think to get away with murder by poison? Shame, really.
• a cocktail party on an Arabian Nights theme. The room was crowded with harem girls and sheiks! Some of the costumes were genuinely…um…extraordinary. Here’s our visiting (real) bellydancer. So supple and light on her feet.  She was delightful - and very, very careful with the swords! You will be relieved to know I managed to put together a bellydancer costume that didn’t expose my belly. A Very Good Thing!
• the Awards Dinner. IMO, flowers “make” any occasion and these were gorgeous.  The table centres were heart-shaped.  BTW, the “point” of the heart is on your upper right. As a photographer, I make a great writer. Tilt your head and squint, okay? Even better, the little green thingies (think they’re cacti) form the shape of the Southern Cross. Isn’t that cool? Just like the RWA logo.

• the ’stand-up” at the end of the dinner - my absolute favourite part of any RWAustralia conference. Each writer is called to stand - and stay on her feet - if you’ve had a book out in the year, signed a contract, queried an editor or angent, finalled in a contest, entered a contest and so on and so on… By the end, virtually the whole room is standing,  wildly celebrating their achievements.
• the last “stand-up” of the evening, which was for husbands and partners. That was particularly heart-warming and we had more of them attending than ever before - including My Beloved, who wore his best cowboy-ish boots for the occasion. Heroes, each and every one of them.
• and finally - but this is at the heart of it - the friendship and support members offer each other. It’s such a joy to catchup with old friends and to welcome new ones. I’m convinced there’s something special about romance writers. Yes, we all covet much the same prizes. Yes, there’s definitely competition, but it’s tempered with an extraordinary generosity of spirit.

Here I am with my dear friend and critique partner, Christine Wells. Just to prove I was there - and to show that I wore the red shoes. Honestly, my entire evening wardrobe is now a certain shade of red! Oh, and I’m not a tall person. My heels were a tad higher than Christine’s! You can also tell that the flash on my camera didn’t go off. *sigh*

What’s the best conference you’ve ever been to? Or the worst? And why? Any interesting tales to tell? 

Tomorrow I’m off for the Romance Writers of Australia Annual Conference. Not that I have to go far this year, it’s in my home town, just a short drive to a swanky hotel in the city centre. I’m on the Conference Committee, though I’m still not certain how it happened. One minute I said I was terribly, terribly busy, but I might find a few minutes to help stuff envelopes, the next - WHOOSH! - on the Committee. Aaargh!

We had our early meetings in this extraordinary room in the new city library. It’s kind of suspended over the escalators. It made me feel very much like a tropical fish. You know the sort, the ones in a tank in a dentist’s waiting room.

Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to do a smart side-step when the Registrar’s job came up, because fine detail is Not My Thing. I can do it if I have too, but it drives me insane. I’m always terrified I’ll miss some small, but crucial factor and the whole thing will come crashing down. As it is, I am simply amazed at the other women on the Committee. They should be running the country, no joke. Talk about AWESOME! Nothing forgotten, every detail covered, right down to the most minute things.

Volunteers are wonderful people, IMO. Not only the Committee members, but an army of willing folk who simply pitch in and damn well DO it!

I always enjoy these conferences to the max. Generally, I come home sounding like I’ve been on a smoke and whiskey binge, but it’s just too much talking. Yeah, I know, unbelievable.  *cough, cough*I love catching up with old friends and meeting people I’ve only known as email addresses.

But this time, I’m totally looking forward to Sunday night, when it’s all over and we can all relax and have a drink - or several!

I’ll see if I can find time to draw a breath and post some pics for you over the weekend - but no promises!

Are you good at detail? Or do you always forget something like me? Every time we travel, I leave something behind. I know I’m going to do it, so generally I just pray it won’t be anything vital. *sigh*

Okay, I know these things are a cheap shot, but I simply can’t resist. Ah, isn’t it remarkable what a tiny little typo - or a moment’s inattention - can do for a harried professional? Creates a completely unintentional Wordplay. English is a funny old language… I actually laughed out loud at a couple of these - which is my test for passing them on to you. *grin*

These are sentences actually typed by medical secretaries in NHS (National Health Service) Greater Glasgow. I imagine them being said with a strong Glaswegian accent. (And yes, I know our overworked and how fabulous hospital staff are the world over.)

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized…

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith , who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job  as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

I’m rather partial to #28 and #32. Do you have a favourite?

I’ve just managed to say NO to someone. Go me!

I can’t imagine Bob dithering about his decision - but I find refusing point-blank terribly difficult. I think it’s because a part of me feels flattered to be asked. Maybe it’s the way I was brought up - it’s not “polite” to say no.

Recently, I did two different presentations. In one, I finished up with a grand total of ten academics, who were interested in what I had to say, but are hardly going to buy my books.

In another - much more worthwhile - I had an audience of twenty-five, a couple of whom might buy and most of whom I’m sure will remember my name.

But both took time to prepare and deliver - precious time I took from writing. And all because I couldn’t say no. *sigh*

In future, I’m either going to say no, or demand an astronomical fee - which is probably the same thing, now I come to think of it.

Are you able to say no, especially if you care about the person who asks? How do you do it? What do you say?