I feel a bit guilty about this.  Because I know I should be the one providing the bloggy entertainment.

But the LOL cats are soooo majorly cute and sometimes incredibly clever and laugh-out-loud funny, that I’m going to forgive myself and do it anyway. So here we go..drum roll…

The LOL Cats!!!

Presented here on Under and Over for your delectation - and to make you giggle.

DD just adores the LOLcats. In fact, she was the one who showed me these pics du jour, meanwhile snickering her head off the whole time.

It’s most peculiar. I’m such a pedant about words and I simply can’t bear cutesy, fluffy things - things that are twee. And yet, the LOLcats are all about being cutsie-pie  - not to mention mangling the English language beyond recognition. Normally, I hate that!

Why do I enjoy them so much? I can’t quite work it out. The spelling/grammar abominations even seem to add to the whimsical appeal, provided I don’t have to puzzle too long to get the joke.  I don’t even mind the sugar hit, well, not too much.

There are lots more LOLcats on the website.

I’m more a cat person than a dog person, though I do like dogs very much. On reflection, I think I like the LOLcats because each photo shows love and understanding about cats, in all their infuriating, endearing feline-ness. Then there’s the sheer wit of some of the captions, like the dunecat one above. It’s only really funny (or even understandable) if you’ve read Frank Herbert’s classic fantasy/SF novel, Dune.

Did the LOLcats humour make you smile?

It’s newsletter time, which means…

Rackety Kate and the Pirates

Chapter 17

Luxury Goods

The story so far:
Kate and Jack have a “heart-to-heart” that really is. When Peter arrives, she discovers to her astonishment that among the items on offer at the pirate auction are Tom Cavanagh, the Comte de Nothos, the Duchess and Peter.

You can read all of Kate here – http://www.deniserossetti.com/kate.html

“Best seat in the house.” Jack nuzzled Kate’s hair. “Comfortable?”

Kate murmured her assent, stroking the arm he’d wrapped under her ribs. Though it wasn’t strictly true. Her heart thumped with a heavy expectant beat and she tingled as though her veins bubbled with champagne. But, yes, her body was also magnificently languid, almost boneless. After Peter had departed, Jack taken her to a sort of outdoor bathroom, roofed with a pergola draped with sweet-scented, flowering vines and fed by two trickling streams that splashed into a shallow rock-lined pool, one cool and one so hot it steamed.

He’d refused to let her do anything for herself, tenderly washing her hair and rinsing it, massaging her scalp until she purred. He’d been equally meticulous with the rest of her, soaping every inch of her skin with his hands. Of course, he’d lingered over her breasts, her bottom, her thighs. Grinning, his glorious chest rising and falling with his quickened breath, he’d made absolutely certain the quivering folds of her sex were squeaky clean.

But when she reached for him, he backed away. “Later,” he said cryptically. “It’ll be worth the wait.”

Then he’d dried her off with big fluffy towels, laid her down on a clean one and proceeded to massage fragrant oils into every inch of her skin. God, it had been heaven. As for the foot rub–! When he pressed his thumbs hard all along her sole, she’d nearly come then and there.

He’d allowed her to kiss him, giving her his mouth, deep and soft and wet.

With a final smile, he carried her back to the hammock, covered her with a light linen sheet, pecked her cheek like a brother, and left her to doze contentedly in the perfumed shade.

She’d woken to the drift of soft fabric against her cheek and opened her eyes to see Jack holding an armful of diaphanous fabric. “Let’s get you dressed,” he said, the tiger eyes glinting.

***

Want more? You can read all of Kate and see more pirates on the Rackety Kate page. Want even more than that? Join my newsletter - see below.

Subscribers to my newsletter get to interfere with Kate’s love life. Sign up to join the fun!

Here’s a heads-up for you.  Ellora’s Cave is having a humongous sale of the Cavemen anthologies - both ebook and print.  For example,  the print copies are down to US$5.99 from US$15.99. Which ain’t bad at all.

You’ll need to visit the EC site. If you haven’t been there for a while, you’ll find they’ve revamped it. It’s gorgeous.

http://www.jasminejade.com/default.aspx

And naturally - ahem - this includes Ellora’s Cavemen: Seasons of Seduction Volume 1, in which I have a story about a banshee who’s desperate for a job.It was the first of my Kaminski Family stories and I had tremendous fun with it. Here’s the blurb -

    Being a banshee is a lifetime Curse - and a magical pain in the ass. It’s lonely, oh so lonely. Needing a career change in the worst possible way, Maeve O’Brien the banshee visits an employment agency. Surely someone will listen!
Luc hangs on every single word. The woman’s voice is sex incarnate. She might dress in bag lady chic, but a single whisper and he’s got the hot chills. Two sentences and he’s hard enough to pound nails. It’s his brother’s agency, but to help Maeve - Hell, Luc would do anything, even go to devil. 

It’s called “Come Howling” because it amused me. Here you go - have an excerpt!

Come Howling

In the reception area the street door opened, letting in the muted drumming of rain, the steady swish of tires on wet asphalt. A gentle thud as it closed and the noise cut out. Mrs. T’s voice rose in inquiry, but Luc could barely hear the soft, liquid murmur of the client’s response. A woman.

His cock gave the faintest little twitch. Down, boy. Wistfully, Luc thought of his new sister-in-law’s bountiful tits and lush hips. Lucky Gabe. She was a great girl, perfect for his twin. He hoped they’d be incredibly happy.

And that she didn’t run screaming when his brother Manifested for her.

He glared at the spreadsheet on Gabe’s computer. The orderly lines of numbers sneered right back. Error? What fucking error? He clamped a big-knuckled hand over the mouse and sent the smarmy paper clip to electronic hell.

He had to get this mess straightened out by the time Gabe got back from his honeymoon. His twin had a morbid terror of the IRS and he loved Bogdanovich and Marinelli Employment Agency the way bikers loved their Harleys. It was everything Gabe had worked for and now Luc was screwing it up. For chrissake, how had something as simple as babysitting the agency for a week gotten so complicated?

Luc ran a hand through his thick dark hair and ground out a string of curses. The base of his spine buzzed with familiar heat, his temples ached. Not now, dammit, not now. The curses deepened to a rolling growl. With the ease of long practice, he disciplined his breathing until the urge to Manifest subsided.

He shifted his massive frame, Gabe’s fancy office chair creaking with the strain. He wasn’t much heavier now than he’d been in college on a football scholarship-working for his own construction company kept him in shape-but he was still too much the linebacker to fit most normal-sized places with any degree of comfort. Absently, he reached down to rub his bad knee.

Though…he’d fit just fine between soft thighs. His lips curved with memory. God, they’d had fun hunting in the dark together, he and Gabe!

The woman’s voice rose. “I’d like to see Mr. Bogdanovich.”

Luc rocked back so abruptly the wheeled chair slammed into the wall behind him. He barely registered the thump as the back of his skull collided with the building.

What was the name of that old-time movie star his Dad fancied? Lauren Bacall, that was it. This woman sounded like Lauren Bacall after a smoke and whisky binge. Deep and husky, the voice slid sleek fingers into his pants, burrowed into his boxers and cuddled his balls.

“Or is it Ms.? I don’t care. What about Marinelli?”

There was a scratchy note to it, as if the woman was hoarse from screaming loud and long, head thrown back, shrieking her pleasure while she rode his stiff cock to a mind-numbing orgasm, then as he flipped her over, gripping her wrists to stop her thrashing, so he could ram every last inch high inside her while she wrapped long legs around his waist and came and came as if the world was ending. No, fuck it, even better, her legs over his shoulders, her heels drumming–

He was halfway to the door of Gabe’s office when he regained his senses. Whoa! Not only was he as hard as a freaking rock - on nothing but a couple of banal sentences - he was fully Manifest. Grimly, Luc braced a hand against the door. He didn’t need to look in the small mirror hanging behind it to know what he’d see. The flames flickering deep in his pupils, the bumps where the short, curved horns were trying to push though the dark waves at his temples. He winced, reaching into his pants to adjust himself. Not his cock.

His tail.

Jammed uncomfortably down the left leg of his chinos, the forked end nudged the back of his calf, a reminder of his lack of discipline.

Adrenaline was what did it, every time.

Forehead against the wall, he counted backward from ten, reliving the worst day of his life, willing control to come along with the memory.

The last game of the college season. He’d been on a high, knowing his chances in the NFL draft were better than good. In the last desperate moments of the game, he’d thundered down the field to tackle a wide receiver. The guy had lain there, panting, staring through Luc’s facemask, straight into red, glowing eyes. Poor dude had fainted.

There’d been a family conference over that one.

At training the next day, he’d wrenched his knee. It hurt, but no more than his pride, his soul. He’d loved football. Still did.

Luc straightened with a sigh and tucked in his polo shirt. Then he hitched up his pants, opened the door and ambled out into the reception area. “Can I help you?’ he rumbled and the woman turned.

Read the Reviews

Ebook: Ellora’s Cave
Print: Ellora’s Cave | Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Australian Bookstores

If I wasn’t pretty sure I’d do myself a serious damage, I’d be turning cartwheels all the way down the street.

Tailspin is now available IN PRINT! Yes, it is - it truly, really is. Yeehah!

    You can get it from Ellora’s Cave - http://www.jasminejade.com/pm-7154-236-tailspin.aspx

    It should be available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble and specialty bookstores soon. I know that Australian bookstores - I have a list of them here - will order it in for you. All you have to do is ask.

    Did I mention I’m thrilled, right down to my tippy toes? No? Well, goodness. I’m thrilled, okay?  Seriously. It’s been a loooong time coming.

First, I thought we might celebrate with an excerpt, then I thought “nah”, let’s have something different. So here’s An Interview with an Aetherii, in which the gorgeous Mirry answers readers’ questions, and I, um, overdo it. Might be an idea to put the coffee down now.

Denise:
Miriliel the Burnished and I are sitting in my modest, yet businesslike study. I have a good Australian red and delicious nibblies and a stool for our distinguished guest. I’ve also locked the cat in the kitchen at the other end of the house. The yowling sounds very faint from way back there. And after a (very short) battle with my conscience, I dragged in the bed from the spare room and changed the sheets. (Hope springs eternal.)

*clearing throat* So, Miriliel, I’d like to welcome you on behalf of all readers everywhere, especially the female ones.

Miriliel the Burnished:
Thank you, ah. What’s the correct form of address? Lady Denise?

Denise:
*blushing* Oh yes, that would be lovely. Now, are you comfortable? Enough room for the wings? Whoopsie, just watch the wobbly bookcase, the one with my awards on it. And would you like me to hold your tail? I’d be perfectly happy to do that for you.

Miriliel the Burnished:
No, no, not necessary. I have it under control. Sorry, did you say something? Mmm. *sipping wine* This is excellent.

Denise:
Glad you like it. *rustling papers in an officious kind of way* I have a number of questions here from readers, and a lot of them are about Jan. Everyone wants to be certain he’s well and happy, not to mention Fledge. How are they? We’ve all been so worried.

Miriliel the Burnished:
What a minute. *frowning* Lady Denise, I thought I was interviewing you. And after I’ve finished with you, I’d like to talk to your cat. All data’s precious. I’m planning a new work, the Encyclopedia of Other Worlds. *beaming*

Denise:
That’s not quite what–

Miriliel the Burnished:
It’s such an exciting concept. Never been done before. Well, not by a scholar of any note. I don’t count that Asimov fellow.

Denise:
But what about Fledge and Jan? Especially Jan, the poor darling. Allisa wants to know if he brought someone back with him, a man or a woman?

Miriliel the Burnished:
Someone else? I hope you’re joking. *growling* An Aetherii Mating flight is as binding as a sacred oath. Rip the Veil, I’d strangle him with his own tail! Anyway, they’re both fine. Now about this encyclopedia. Pindar of Sere says–

Denise:
Bugger Pindar of Sere! *through gritted teeth* WHAT. ABOUT. JAN?!!

Miriliel the Burnished:
What? Oh Jan got himself sorted out in the end. Sat on a mountain with the highhunters for a couple of months.
*draining glass and holding it out for a refill* Thanks.
Mind you, he only made it in the nick of time. We were pretty desperate, Fledge and I. *shaking head* If he hadn’t returned when he did, I would have gone after him and dragged him back by the– Dragged him back, anyhow. *growling again*

Denise:
*fascinated* Really? I imagine it was a touching reunion.

Miriliel the Burnished:
*grinning broadly* Oh yes, very very touching. Lots of touching. Are you all right, Lady Denise? You’re quite pink.

Denise:
*faintly* Wait, let me top up the glasses. Oh heavens, my hands are shaking. *blinking innocently* Perhaps if you supported my wrist with your tail? Continue reading »

I’m such a suburban gal, I tend to forget about the wildlife that shares my home. But I got a four foot reminder the other day. I’d backed the car out of the garage, and hopped out to shut the gates, when I saw - something like this, curled up in the grass. Except there was no head showing.

Hmm, I thought, not being especially quick on the uptake. I think it’s a snake and it’s, um, fast asleep.

I stood at a very safe distance and cleared my throat. Nope. I stamped my foot. Nope. I said, “Hey, snakey? You awake?” Nope.

Weird. I’d always thought wild animals were all alert and feral and stuff. After a pause for thought, I found a very, very long grass stem and tickled it. I was pretty sure it was a carpet snake, by the way. They do bite, but really only if cornered and they’re very useful to have around. They eat rats by the cartload.

Snakey woke up, looked at me in reptile disgust and slithered off. It was at least four feet long - at least! At its thickest, it would have been about the circumference of my upper arm.

But where did it go? Our house is an older wooden one, raised on stumps. And we’re not very tidy people, I’m sorry to say, so a lot of junk gets stored under there. Snakey disappeared into a pile of cardboard boxes. I bet it’s still there. I bet it’s living there. I bet we’ll be leaving those boxes alone!

It’s interesting. We certainly don’t have rats any more, though we had terrible trouble with them a little while ago. And then there’s the possums - two sorts, brushtails and ringtails. They’re cute little critters, unless of course, they’re fornicating in the ceiling while wearing their hobnailed boots and peeing in excitement.

Hmm… It’s been very quiet in our ceiling lately…

Remind me to tell you about the green tree snake I met in the letter box. Ah, life in Australia…

Okay, here it is - the lowdown on the very first Australian Romance Readers Convention! Yeehah! It was da bomb!

It was such a total blast! For the first time, I had readers come up to me with wide eyes, saying how much they love my books and would I sign - pretty please? Well, gosh, let me think about that for an entire nano-second… I can’t imagine the thrill of it would ever get old, not for me, anyway.

Hardly any of these pictures are actually mine - I stole ‘em from other blogs all over, but I’ve linked to them further down so you can go read about all the stuff I missed. I’m such a doofus - or possibly such a gasbag (ya think?) - that although I carried my shiny new camera everywhere, I clean forgot to take photos. Well, duh!

Best memories?

• The absolutely incredible, ear-shattering noise as I walked into the Friday night welcome reception. Hundreds of women, all shrieking with joy as they greeted each other. A tree full of screaming rainbow lorikeets had nothing on it.
• If MaryJanice Davidson gets tired of writing, she could make her living as a stand-up comedian. That woman is seriously FUNNY!
• Sherrilyn Kenyon describing her Deep South family - “We ain’t real bright,” she said in her Southern gal drawl. The word bogan springs to mind. (The Aussie version of redneck for you Over There.) She was so gracious and giving. The readers just ate her up!
• Amy Andrews talking about the man who came into Emergency with a can of hair mousse shoved up his rectum. Yep, that was funny enough, but the looks on the faces of the American authors - MJD, Susan Grant and Liz Maverick - were priceless. “Moose?” they said. “You mean with…antlers?” OMG, it’s all in the pronunciation!

 This one time, at band camp… Authors share anecdotes about where their story ideas come from..

Left to Right:  Liz Maverick, Amy Andrews, MaryJanice Davidson, Susan Grant

• I moderated a panel, “Love and Alternate Realities”. The panelists were Susan Grant, Keri Arthur, Tracey O’Hara and Angela Verdenius. Gulp! I was a tad nervous, I must admit, but the panelists were so responsive and so damn funny, and the audience so warm, I forgot all about the nerves after a while.
• Tracey showed off her dragon tattoo, Angela talked about her eleven beloved cats, Keri confessed her Labrador dog weighs 50 kilos (almost 8 stone) and Susan, the fearless fighter pilot, is afraid of ants. Go figure.
• The conversation rapidly became very um, interesting, ranging from centaur sex to vampire sex to alien sex and also to that alpha male soul mate thing - as in, “You are my mate! I shall now ravish you - and you will enjoy it!” Yeah, well - I have news for you, idiot. See this frying pan? DONG!

Urban fantasy, Sci-fi, futuristic - Love and Alternate Realities

Left to Right: Tracey O’Hara, Susan Grant, Keri Arthur, Angela Verdenius and me (moderating)

• The Author Signing sessions were great. I sat next to Stephanie Laurens. (Not bragging, oh no!) Poor woman had no choice, I simply plonked myself down next to her. I signed my books and conversed with my charming, though very short queue - but mainly I chatted with the long line of readers waiting patiently for Stephanie to sign. Was  fun!
• And in another Brush with Fame, I was on a panel with Sherrilyn Kenyon. I actually sat next to her! Yep, no kiddin’.
• The duelling cameras were a hoot. That was when I finally recalled I possessed a photographic device and pointed it at Harlequin author, Paula Roe. Being Paula, she pointed hers right back at me.
• I’m in awe at the organising skill of the ARRC gals. The whole thing went like clockwork. And they raised over $7,000 for the Bushfire Appeal with a silent auction!
• The Jasper Hotel itself constituted a highlight. Each floor was painted a different very VIVID colour - as in eyeball searingly vivid. My floor was purple, others tangerine, neon green, electric blue. But the best was what the girls called the “Barbie Exploded” floor - a hot pink so completely unrepentant, I winced every time the lift doors swished open. Ouch!But the rooms themselves were soothing and comfortable, and the staff delightful.
• The gala dinner was luverly. Everyone got gussied up and I wore my favourite red hooker heels. Go me! Picture below courtesy of Erica Hayes’ blog. Erica is about to hit the romance world with her dark underworld of fairies and Things That Go Bump in the Night. Can’t wait!

From Left to Right: Me, Keri Arthur, Tracey O’Hara, Erica Hayes

If you’d like to see and read more, visit Liz Maverick’s blog. She even has a couple of videos!

Then there’s Kat and Wundergurl on Book Thingo. They did the Twitter thing.

Marg’s Reading Adventures and Tez Says. Not to mention the ARRC site itself!

There was much talk about the NEXT ONE! Oh, I do hope so. Sydney in 2011 was the buzz. We’ll see…

Don’t you wish you’d been there? *chuckle* I should mention, BTW, that everyone staggered away with armloads of free books. So - who’s on board for 2011? How many of you go to the Romantic Times Convention? Did you enjoy yourselves? I’m actually considering it for next year in Nashville. Woohoo!

   Yeah, yeah, I know - it’s been a while. But Thief of Light is FINISHED! OMG, the weight off my mind! Goddess knows why I thought I could write a book in six months. I must be insane. Remind me not to go away for seven weeks mid-book ever again, okay?

   I’m going to put it out of my mind now - until I get the rewrites from my editor. Not thinking about that at all, oh no…

So now I have brain cell to spare, I can bring you something marvellous - Joey W. Hill’s latest, A Vampire’s Claim. As you probably know, I adore everything Joey writes, but A Vampire’s Claim has a special place in my heart.

Because it’s set in Australia, with Australian characters. Yep, vampires here in Oz. How cool is that? The only others I can think of are Keri Arthur’s.

Some of you my remember the Aussie servant, Devlin and his mistress, Lady Daniela, from Joey’s previous books in her vampire series. I loved Dev from the moment he sauntered over to befriend Jacob. He was so big and brash, and such fun - a real Aussie hero.

I’ve only written two stories set in the contemporary US (The Kaminski Family novellas - in Ellora’s Cavemen: Seasons of Seduction and A Red Hot New Year) and even though I skated over the detail, I found it difficult enough - never having been Over There at that stage. I cheated a little in Coming On Strong (from A Red Hot New Year) by having an Australian  hero, the drop-dead gorgeous Sam Jones. The well-intentioned copy editor drove me nuts. Every time Sam called Gina darl, she changed it to darlin’. I had to change them all back. Grrr…

But I must confess, I was troubled for Joey’s sake - not only a country she had never visited, but a period setting into the bargain - that’s right, the 1950’s.

Wotta a dill I was! (Oz slang for you there.) Why did I worry? She pulled it off superbly. I was amazed at how she’d got herself “under the skin” of Outback Australia - the people and the places. Her research was incredible.

About A Vampire’s Claim:

Lady Daniela has never taken a full human servant. At two hundred years, she’s always put it off, having a bachelor’s attitude toward bonding with another, even an inferior human. However, on her return to her sheep station in Western Australia in 1953, she meets Dev, a war veteran and laconic bushman, who has the talents to help her reclaim her station from her mother’s lover, who usurped her position there forty years before.

But after she takes care of that nasty bit of business, she’s also intending to rid Western Australia of a corrupt Region Master who is 500 years old and therefore over twice her age and strength. While a full human servant, particularly one with Dev’s unique talents, can augment her skills and resources, the more she gets to know him, the more reluctant she is to bind him to her in a way that might get him killed. But Dev has his own thoughts on the matter, and she will soon find it’s easier for a vampire to survive in the desert sun than for her to survive without him by her side.

Buy it here. Read an excerpt here.  Read the reviews here.

There’s a discussion on Joey’s blog at the moment about Australian men, and the Aussie accent too. It’s always sounded nasal to me, but apparently it sends American women all weak-kneed and faint. If you’re curious to hear what it sounds like on a woman, I did a podcast reading from Coming On Strong, a section where we’re in Sam’s very male, very Aussie head.

What do you think of the Australian accent? Does it do anything for you? And if so, whose voice are you hearing in your head? *chuckle*