Americans do some things Very Well - lots of things, I’ve discovered. Making a decent cup of tea isn’t one of them, but plumbing is. America gets the Gold Medal in the Restroom Olympics, as far as I’m concerned. Because I have a bladder the size of a pea, I have already made an extensive study, on both continents.
The only problem is, American plumbing is so incredibly sophisticated, I’m totally bemused by it - also confused, and occasionally, seriously startled.
I have never - ever- seen such a bewildering array of levers, knobs and dials. And that includes taps (faucets), showers and toilets. What’s worse is that no two of them are alike.
It requires a degree in engineering to take a shower. Which bit do you pull, or twist or press - and in which direction? Clockwise or anti? Ouch! One night, I decided I deserved a hot bath, but I couldn’t work out how to keep the plug in, so there I was, trying to relax with one heel jammed on top of the recalcitrant plug. Humpf! Not conducive.
Faucet-wise, my most inglorious moment was having a ten year old explain to me that you wave your hands under the tap to start the water flowing. Duh! Dumb Aussie! Oh, and the water is warm! I can’t get over it.
As for the toilets! OMG! The first time one of them flushed all by itself when it detected daylight past my rising derrière, I just about ricocheted off the ceiling. Just as well I’d already done what I went there for. 
Even the compost loos in Yosemite weren’t too bad. And there’s always paper. I was so impressed.
So in scatological conclusion, here’s some highly significant bear poop, recorded on location in Yosemite. Note that the bear had a real blow-out on wild raspberries. Looks like happy bear poop to me. We did see a mama bear and cub, BTW, in the distance. Very exciting!
To improve the tone a trifle, here are a couple more Yosemite pics - a better one of Mirror Lake and one of me about to die partway up the almost-vertical stone staircase to the top of Vernal Falls, the Mist Trail. A “once in a lifetime experience” - as in, NEVER, EVER AGAIN! I swear it. A gradient of 1 in 8. (Note charm bracelet, BTW)
Back to San Francisco tomorrow, to see if I can find another romance writer to squeal hello to. Think I might get lucky? More later about Monterey, Hearst Castle, crappy Mustangs and elephant seals.
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Yes, some of our technological advanced bathrooms are a hoot! Like when they flush before you get up or don’t flush, and then you’re searching for the little button to do it manually. Or when you put your hands under the faucet and the water in the next sink comes on and yours doesn’t. Oh well. There are worse things in life. (like having to go in an outhouse at Scout camp and find there’s no tp!!)
So, how do YOU make a cup of tea?
Hope you’re having a great vacation.
Terry
My worst moment is when a restroom I use on occasion at work (it is in another building) went to automatic toilets. I hadn’t noticed it when I sat down and when I stood up and stepped away it sounded exactly like I stepped on a cat’s tail, I gave a little shriek.
Luckily I was the only one in there at the time. 
I think the clean prize for restrooms goes to the sections in Germany where they still have restroom attendants. They toilets don’t scare you and the one place, Heidelburg castle maybe, was totaly decorated with postcards from all over the world that women had sent from home to the lovely lady that kept such a clean, friendly place.
So glad you are enjoying America, Denise!! If you think US toilets are wild, you should go to Poland. It was always an eye-opener to see how the toilets flushed there! I went there in 1995 and being on a Church tour, went to the Krakow market. They have attendants too. Well…couldn’t flush the dang thing…wondered if I would be arrested by the toilet police..only to find that when I opened the door, the toilet flushed! Thank goodness!!!
On another note, are you returning to the Kaminski family soon? I keep re-reading those two stories of yours!
Oh that is funny….the auto-flush thing does tend to irritate me though, I’ve had the darn things go off before I’m finished….
The pics of Mirror Lake are beautiful and I can so picture the Atherii (sp) there. BTW I passed the link to this blog on to a Aussie friend, she’s been to the US before and knows what your going through.
Terry, I use real tea leaves and a teapot. First, you should warm the pot, but I often skip that. In my small pot for one, only need one teaspoon of tea, then pour BOILING water over it, put on lid and allow to steep for two/three minutes. I have mine with milk, no sugar. Aaaah… I’m finding chamomile tea a reasonable substitute, but it doesn’t have a kick - quite the opposite, in fact.
Thanks to all of you for not making me feel quite such a goose about the auto-flush toilets. I didn’t mention it in the blog post, but did get caught once in mid-pee, which was HIGHLY disconcerting.
Laura, you’ll be interested to know I found the perfect street in SF for Aunt Lili Kaminski to live in and took lots of photos. Also a place tucked away in the mountains of Big Sur for a crazy old hermit uncle to live and grumble. Lili worries about him. All that remains is a hero ( a cinch - am hovering between a firefighter and a librarian, maybe both.) Come to think of it, other problem is finding a publisher to take it, so far Ellora’s Cave and Avon Red have stepped up. Must ask my agent!
Squeeeeeee! So glad you found the setting! Can’t wait for that novella (book) to come out!
Sympathy on the toilet and bathroom woes.
I had one in Santa Fe that was auto flush: you had to lean forward to reach the toilet paper and every time you reached forward that toilet flushed. Way before I was ready! It went off five times before I could get out of there 
It rattled my nerves. And the showers that are so minimal that they have no indication for hot or cold and it is entirely counter intuitive 
But so glad your misadventures are just fun highlights and that you are enjoying yourself (and getting backgrounds). Have productive fun Denise.
Bless your heart Denise,lol. I’m so pleased your visit seems to have the dual purpose of relaxation AND education. Soak up as much fun as you can and can all you get!
Denise, if it’s any consolation, American hotel bathtub/shower fixtures often baffle ME. I like my shower at home - clearly marked directions for hot and cold, and a nice, logical lever to close the drain. But your description of your experience with the automated toilet almost caused my DH to fall off the couch laughing. You gave him a wonderful chuckle for the evening. It’s all right - I’ll tell you something about him so you can snicker at him and return the favor (wink). Can’t wait to read that novella, too!
OMG, Joey, I’m not sure I want to know what it is about your DH! the mind boggles!
As for the novella, I have to -
A. find the time to write the thing, and
B. find a publisher to take it!
Glad you are having a wonderful time Denise… even if the toilets are scary and the water fawcetts are confusing.
Hi there, Pamela. Thanks so much. Well, it’s all experience, isn’t it? And remember, for a writer, the subtext is - “that belongs in a book!” *chuckle*
ROFL! Your stories are funny Denise, but I feel your pain. When I first encountered automatic toilets and sinks I was totally shocked. I spent a few minutes looking for the handle to flush the toilet before I used it because I wasn’t sure of what was going on. I had to figure out how to plug the tub up what I had to give my nephew a bath at Disney because it was different than what I was used to.
I’m glad you’re having a great time here in the US even though it can be a little mind boggeling at times.
I just had to think of this today … our office building has a new owner that is trying to save expenses
. So now what is on a motion switch THE LIGHTS for the restroom. This is a first for me. Guess what happens if you spend longer than 3 minutes??? Its very dark in there with no windows. 
Oh, Jenny!
You poor thing. There’s nothing worse than going in the dark - unless it’s crouching behind a bush, on a mountain, in the dark. See? It could be worse!
Maybe.
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