I’m sure there’s a place in Nature for ants. Of course, there is. But NOT in my damn bed, on my leg. BITING.
In the last year or so, since the drought really began to bite here, we’ve been plagued by ants. And it’s not just us, I hasten to add. I know I’m a terrible housekeeper, but everyone has the ant problem - even my mother, who is squeaky clean!
First there are the medium size black ones, swarming all over the bathroom sink, only slightly discomfited when I splutter toothpaste over them. You have to brush them out of the way to be able to wash your face without a formic acid surprise.
Then there’s the teensy weeny little black guys. I swear they’re lurking in the cracks in the kitchen wall, waiting for me to put down the knife and turn away from the chopping board. And then - swooop! The minute my back’s turned, the little buggers are all over. And lord, they’re strong! You can almost hear them singing, “heave-ho, heave-ho!” as they tug at some big crumb. Like tiny Volga boatmen. Sometimes, just for a change of pace, the microscopic red ones turn up. They look like moving dust particles.
I was sitting on my bed this afternoon fiddling with this blog and my STRONGMAN epilogue (more about that later). BTW, I write in bed a lot, with the laptop on one of those tray-tables. I was pretty well distracted, concentrating on hot man lurve, when a piece of my thigh went OW-W-W-W!!! Not only was it an ant, it was a big guy. What we call a green ant (though they’re really black). They generally terrorise the garden, being really aggressive, about a quarter inch long. Not only had he wandered indoors and sashayed across my bed, he’d chosen to climb up and bite me, while I was peacefully minding my own business. The bloody nerve!
So I hauled off and thumped him with my thesaurus. Not a pretty (lovely, beautiful, gorgeous, attractive, pulchritudinous) way to go. Do you know, he curled into the softness of the mattress and sneered at me?
I was so incensed, I brushed him to the floor, seized a shoe and beat him to a pulp, meanwhile yelling like kung-fu fiend. Then I went to the bathroom for the anti-sting cream. Had to send another squillion of the medium size guys to a watery grave so I could reach the cupboard without that crawling feeling. *sigh*
My karma is toast. Hope I don’t come back as an ant.
What’s your least favourite biteme? That’s what I made up as an all-purpose word for all manner of insects in my fantasy worlds. I thought I was pretty clever ’til Joey told me they call bugs biteums in the Deep South.
Or even your least favourite creepy-crawly? Where I live it’s sub-tropical, which is just lovely - except for the warm weather critters. We have ants, flies, cockroaches, mosquitoes, spiders - you name it. And they all want to live in the house, cheek by jowl with the humans. I’ll never forget the time I found a red back spider (related to the American black widow) abseiling down the wall towards my baby’s pillow. Squish!
And you can thank me. I found all these great colour photos of the above-mentioned little horrors. But I spared you. Aren’t I considerate? heh heh
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I have to say that we have a nice large variety in Greece too, although not as exotic as you do. We have ye old cockroach (I can take the tiny, even the large ones, it’s the flying ones that do me in); ye ants (variety of sizes and colours, currently infesting my house small black ants that this winter arrived in rivers of immigrants after the apartment downstairs, long vacant, was redone); flies; bluebottles; mosquitoes; and small biting spiders.
In protest a short ditty: no it doesn’t scan entirely.
It creeps and it crawls
All over it hauls
the crumb that is larger than it.
If it promised to stay
in its nest and not stray
I’d deliver the food and right swift.
I hate all those insects and spiders
Varied forms of biters and riders.
My karma is toast
there’s naught that I’ll post
But my habit’s to kill, I will boast.
Ah, if they would only stay in their nests…
Blackflies…which once infested a house I lived in. Any form of roach. Ants inside the house.
My least favorite creepy crawlie biting critter is the leech. Hated going on hikes and finding these on me at the end. Nastiest thing is that the anticoagulant they use means that you keep bleeding for a terribly long time, and the bites itched terribly for months afterwards.
Poor Denise, I feel your pain…well not literally
, but I can certainly relate. Those persistent, pint-sized, pests are just as industrious here in North Carolina, only we call them sugar ants (probably for their uncanny ability to attack any sticky, syrup-covered utensil in my kitchen sink). By April, they gather a huge welcoming party and mount a teensy assault on my bathroom and kitchen and I turn into an insect gun-slinger with a can of Raid on my hip. That is until the real exterminator can come, which usually takes a week or more during the season. Something about 100 year old houses and pecan trees must call to them…but I’ve decided to be positive about their inevitable invasion.
.
-They keep me on top of my cleaning game, nothing stirs them more than dirty dishes and a crumb-littered countertop.
-They give me hope that my myopic vision hasn’t completely failed, if I can spot a single tiny bugger meandering towards my PB&J, then all is not lost.
-And finally they encourage my feeble work-out attempts, nothing inspires that last muscle-trembling push more than the thought of a crumb walking under the unseen power of their little bodies. Hell, if they can do it, so can I…or at least try
Termites! Fricken-bloody-termites! Damn things have been in the house twice now. Then there’s the flea infestation that ebbs and flows throughout the year, thanks to the cats. We have cockroaches the size of boats and I’m surprised the house hasn’t lifted itself up and walked away. Rats, possums, huntsmen spiders, wolf spiders and snakes. You name it, we’ve had it or got it. I hate this house!
Damn ex-renters!
I’m in a tropical climate, out in the counrty with lots of land (and orange trees) and we seem to have every creepy critter around. Those tiny cockroaches and spiders irk me the most. I can’t stand them. Of course, We have a HUGE fire ant problem that’s worse than any spider or cockroach (flying or otherwise). We kill 3 or 4 beds of those jokers and they pop up somewhere else in the yard a few days later it seems. I swear they have an underground tunneling system all over our yard.
Oh Tina P, you’re definitely not alone with the sugar ant problem. They seem to be everywhere in my kitchen and bathroom too. I clean everything thoughly, sprayed ant killer where I suspect them coming in at and still those little buggers come back. Yuck! LOL.
Denise, I’ve experienced ant problems from time to time. One of the most surprising times was when I was on holidays, and the dreaded ants discovered some sticky lollies I had in my handbag. It was only when I realized that my handbag was slowly being marched away under ant power that I figured out what was going on. Found ants for weeks after every time I put my hand in my bad, still looking for sugar. Was rather yikes at the time. Little hint: talcum powder discourages them; they can’t walk through it. So when I plugged the hole in the wall where my bag was, no ants could keep coming through. A little puff here and there might discourage your little friends.
Loved it, Susan! I don’t know how you whip them up quickly. But looks like we’re toasted together! I know it’s awful in relation to reincarnation, but I never worry about the death of a cockroach, and as for flies… grrr.. Let me at ‘em!
Ah, if they would only stay in their nests…
Aw, come on, Jenny. Where’s the fun in that?
Every biteme has its day.
Lita, are blackflies different from fly flies? and roaches give me the habdabs. I’ve invented a type of super roach for my Pentacles worlds, it’s called a scuttleroach because that’s what they do, the horrors. I think they say that after a nuclear explosion, roaches would still be left. shudder
Oh Little Lamb, leeches are just gross. Years ago, when DD was about seven, we were bushwalking in a rainforest and she needed to pee. A few seconds later, there were terrible squeals and I looked up to see her dancing on one leg (knickerless) with a leech dangling from a VERY tender portion of her anatomy. Poor little darling. (DD, I mean.) Mind you, the leech must have been pretty pissed off, because it hadn’t quite got a grip and I pulled it off and ground it to a pulp under my heel. No harm done, except to our nerves. And my face hurt from not laughing.
Very true, Tina. Ants are a definite inducement to keeping a clean kitchen.
But I could sure do without them. Our house is old too (80 years) and I think it’s just part of the deal. All those cosy dark cracks to hide in…
Lyn, how could I have forgotten termites? We’ve had them, the little buggers. Caught ‘em munching up the walls on the way to the roof.
And I’d forgotten the time we had rats in the ceiling. Shame the dog’s too heavy to put up there. She’s a terrific ratter. Oh yes, and the possums fornicating in the bedroom ceiling. Or possibly they were practising for Armageddon. While wearing hobnailed boots. Then there was the grass snake in he letter box…
Oh Dani, fire ants are pretty serious. They’ve only just arrived here and the authorities are fighting a frantic rearguard action. Too little, too late, I fear. Not good!
Malvina, love the visual of your bag slowly marching out the door under ant-power!
Talcum powder, you say? Must try it. Thanks.
Denise, read this: http://www.miamiherald.com/dave_barry/story/572196.html - Dave Barry (very funny man) is at his most sympathetic with your problem, LOL….
Malvina, that is BRILLIANT! I laughed aloud. Goodness, he has a deft touch. *sigh of envy*
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