Starry-eyed about the perfect hero? You know the guy - all those gorgeous muscles and so hot in the sack you self-combust just turning the pages. He’s a quick-thinker, a warrior who’s never at a loss in any situation. He might be dark and wounded, or light and wounded, or even apparently normal and wounded. But hey, by the last page, his heroine has fixed him right up. 
We know he doesn’t exist, right? Not in Real Life.
Or does he?
Something Hannah said (in our discussion Size Matters) about the writer’s responsibility not to set up impossible role models got me thinking. And so did my friend, Amy Andrews, who’s been blogging about why she believes in love. And it was all to do with her personal hero.
It might be brave to fight dragons, but surely it takes more courage (in the true sense of the word) to commit to the daily grind, with all its hassles and chores and obstacles? Day in, day out.
Because you promised and because you love someone.
Let’s build us a composite of a Real Life Hero. He could be a husband, a lover, a son, father, brother, friend. We all have them. I’ll start.
Here are some of the reasons why My Beloved is my hero. In fact, I asked him once if he was bothered about all the gorgeous guys running around in my head. His brow furrowed. “I’m here,” he said at last. “And they’re not.”
Says it all really. Here we go…
1. He always builds me up, he NEVER tears me down.
2. He tells me he loves me - every single day. I believe him.
3. When life is tough, he puts his arms around me and tells me everything will be all right.
4. He has nicknames for me - “Hey, beautiful!”, “Hi, gorgeous!”
5. He’s a wonderful cook and he cooks every single day, with a roast on Sundays.
6. He does all the shopping. I call him my hunter-gatherer, and I’m not entirely joking.
7. Even after all our years together, if he walks into the bedroom as I’m zipping up and buttoning the last button, he says, “Damn, I missed it!”
8. He totally adores my bottom. Still.
9. I adore his bottom.
10. He was a great father from the very beginning - nappies, vomit, tantrums and all. The kids love him to pieces.
11. He’s one of the most intelligent men I know, with a terrific quick wit. He makes me laugh.
12. He’s a supremely rational being - except about football.
13. I love the smell and the texture of his skin.
14. He tells anyone who’ll listen about my books. His chest swells with pride - about me.
15. He takes responsibility for his own health. He walks and exercises every day. He’s losing weight, even though he loves his food and wine.
Aaaaah… My Real Life Hero.
Okay, over to you. Give us the top characteristics of your Real Life Hero. Maybe not 15 though. (Hey, it’s my blog, I get to rave. heh heh) How about somewhere between 1 and 5?
Last day to comment or subscribe for a copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR!!!!
Don’t forget, leave a comment and/or subscribe to this blog or a post in the month of March to be in the running for an autographed copy of A RED HOT NEW YEAR! See the Current Contest page for more details.
Subscribe in a reader or Subscribe by EmailIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting. You will only see this message once, I promise!
Hey Denise - a little brdie told me you were using my name in vain….
What a great list you have. I think too often women tend to use the grand gestures to prove their partners love/devotion. But the longer I live the more I truly believe that love is in the simple things. When love is new and young having your man buy you flowers and jewellery and squirrel you away on mini-breaks is the ultimate in commitment. But many years down the track I know I’d rather have a man who will take the rubbish out and buy tampons for me. And of course if he cops a feel as he walks then I’ll take that too because well, even after all the years, he’s still firmly in possession of that y chromosome.
Can’t wait to read everyone elses responses.
Two words… Great catch!
My DH is always doing those little things that make me feel good - picking up around the house, willing to handle those last minute things I forgot to warn him about. He tells me that everything he does is for me, he needs nothing…hard to buy for, sometimes! He might not be eye candy like guys in the movies - but he is there for me and he loves me and he certainly trips my triggers!
Hey Denise….could you clone your DH? I’m single and and looking. And I find a lot of single guys seem put off by a gal who’s just a tiny bit on the eccentric side…*sighs* I’m just looking for a guy who’ll overlook my obssesive reading and is good at putting together bookshelves for my ever growing piles…LOL!
p.s. I’m really good a backrubs….:D
Awesome list, can I borrow. Mine doesn’t cook.:D
A few good things about my Real Life Hero are
He’s a great father,he’s has the calm attitude whereas I get frustrated too fast at times.
He works for the both of us, so I can go to school and take care of the kiddies.
When he gets out of bed in the morning, he’ll wrap me in the blanket.
He plays for a local men’s baseball team and I love watching play catcher, his nice bum sticking out through the whole game
Hugs, Danette
Amy, that’s a very wise observation, beautifully put. I couldn’t agree more. In fact, you could say the whole post is about the meaning of small gestures performed regularly.
And yep, gotta love the ole Y chromosome!
Well Rain, I’ve had him a loooong time and I ain’t givin’ him back!
Eye candy’s over-rated Cindy. You’ve got the man who’s perfect for you and he sounds great. Trips your triggers indeed! w00t!!!
Welcome, Meg! Never fear, Mr Right’s out there somewhere. He’s probably got his nose in a book! What you need is a carpenter who’s a voracious reader - or just a man who reads.
As for My Beloved, he and the dog have gone for their walk, but it took him a few minutes to manoeuvre his swelled head out the door first.
Your beloved sounds wonderful Denise. Here are some things for your list:
He has five different smiles, one of which is only for me and lights up his face.
His laughter can shake a room and makes everyone around him smile.
His arms around me provide a haven from the storms and give me strength to deal with what I have to do. He insists on wearing that ratty sweater that an old girlfriend knitted for him, but claims not to remember her name. He is even more loath to toss out stuff than I am.
Welcome to you Danette!
Ah, there’s nothing like a great backside - unless it’s an even better frontside.
I love watching Australian Rules Football. OMG, those men are beeyootiful and what’s more, the testosterone flows in abundance. You really get to see all those Y chromosomes in their native environment. (But that’s fodder for another post. Someone remind me.) No wonder you enjoy the baseball!
Seriously, what a lovely, lovely man, a true carer. Pat his bum for us, won’t you?
Susan, I love the idea of all those different smiles, with a special one for you. How gorgeous.
A sense of humour, absolutely obligatory for a hero IMO. Obviously a man who enjoys life - and you. How perfect that you found each other.
Oh Danette - that was just beautiful. Wraps you up in the blanket when he gets out of bed. What a guy! See. That there is the epitome of what we’re talking about. Someone who knows you so well that without conscious effort he’s making you happy( and warm)
Sorry Denise, but today was not a good day for this as a blog subject! I am single and saw what I have been thinking would be a mighty fine man with someone else (although it was no real suprise as I had been hearing rumors). Ah well, some of us are just supposed to be single. But to hand it to you’all its comforting to know there are happily married people out there. And I love the picture!
My L-Bear is kind, to me, little old women, children, pets, even nasty insects I want evicted from the house. He is the go to person for me and anyone else when we need someone to be there for us. He has a sweet spirit and I have grown used to being somewhere, turnng around and he is off helping someone get something off the top shelf or changing a tire- whatever. His decency humbles me.
Lol Denise…Cheers to watching sports,especially the ones with tight pants.
Denise, what a keeper you have. Also Amy, Cindy D, Danette, Susan, and Clynax - great you find your real life heroes.
Like Meg and Jenny, I still reside in singletown but I agree things that appeal to me are the simple things - the everyday helpful things, the things that make you feel absolutely radiant. Eye-Candy is a bonus but I believe a hero with all the great qualities look fantastic to our eyes, while those who are ‘just’ eye-candy, look shallow and lose their eye-candy appeal.
Sorry Ladies
But I’ve got the greatest man.
Puts up with my eccentricisms ( I truly believe all creative people have a small amount of that) –comes with the territory…
Stands by when the going gets tough… and for those of 2,5,10,20years or more (mine 30)you’ll know all about tough-times.
shares the washing, ironing, shopping, without being asked.
always open to new suggestions 
loved our children from the moment they were concieved.
And my mum (who was a beautiful person)
I wake up feeling blessed everyday and never, ever take it for granted.
Going to stop there before you all throw something at me…
maryde
I’ve just emailed my UNLACED novella to my editor and I’m so tired I can’t keep eyes open. Thanks for all the lovely comments. Replies tomorrow. *zzzzzzzzz*
Great list, Denise. My hubby cooks - loves to cook. He does dishes and washing and has been known to vacuum on occasion. He’s brings home chocolate if he knows I’ve had a bad day and a bottle of wine if celebration is in order.
Just reading some of the other comments - there are some great men around. All you need to do is hunt them down.
Jenny, I truly believe there’s someone for everyone. Truly. It’s just a question of finding the right one. By that, I mean not having to “settle”, to lower your standards, though it’s tempting just so we can have a travelling companion on our way through this life. And I know it’s not easy, far from it, in fact. (And even in a long-term relationship, as you’d know, genuine effort is required. Also good dental care, for all the molars you grind.)
But as you pointed out yourself, the comments on this post show it’s possible. A friend of mine has joined up with an online dating service and now she’s got over the shock of being back in the pool, she’s having a ton of fun, with no strings attached. Just meeting nice men - coffee, a meal, a stroll by the river. She’s fizzing with happiness and it’s lovely to see.
He evicts insects? Oh, Clynax, what a hero! Oh, and helping little old ladies is good too.
My Beloved is not especially heroic with wriggly things. I do that. Seriously, he sounds wonderful.
More hero features to add to our list…
Danette, Aussie Rules footballers wear short shorts and sleeveless vests. No helmets or body armour because they have to run and run, and leap and kick and punch the ball. Oh my, I’m hyper-ventilating here…
Note to self: Post on footy players required. To be filed under Lust Objects.
Couldn’t agree more, Eleni. A good-looking jerk is still a jerk. ha!
But Maryde, why would we throw things?
You’ve just explained that you never take him for granted. That means you work at your relationship, and the Lord knows, if it’s anything like mine, it’s not always easy.
But definitely picking up a composite of a Real Life Hero. As a few people have already said, it’s the small gestures. The devil’s in the details!
So’s the hero.
Ah Shelley, I like the sound of Mr Munro!
I think the clincher is the sensitivity to your moods, that’s so sweet. It used to be that I had to have a baby for My Beloved to buy me flowers. (Most of the time I haven’t been prepared to do that, the Return on the Investment not being being high enough.) But the years of intensive training have paid off. These days, I get flowers every now and then, particularly purple iris, one of my favourites. The sweetie.
I love hearing about other people and your men sound devine. It’s also a very good thing to focus on the good things about a person. Sometimes they can be so irritating you forget for while exactly what it is about them that you love. Thank you for this opportunity, Denise.
My Beloved goes out to give me a quiet house in which to write/study/read. If I’m still working when he gets home, he keeps me supplied with drinks and meals until I’m finished. Every night before bed he makes me a hot chocolate and every time I’m near him he decides it’s been too long since I’ve had a cuddle and I need another one. If I sit down beside him in the lounge room he’ll turn the golf or football off and choose a movie I might like to watch (if I get up at all the sport goes back on, though).
Elaine, gratitude is a wise investment. At one stage, I kept a “grateful” diary and it really helped me in a bad time.
Your Beloved is a darling, a true gem. But the one which is almost saintly, IMO, is turning off the sport on TV. That is— just WOW! *shakes head in admiration* Shows how very very much he loves you, more clearly than anything else.
Since I’m single I can’t add much but my Mom is 72 and she has 2 men in her life; one an old boyfreind who lives 5 hours away and her ex, my Dad. When she visits her old boyfreind he bakes her muffins every morning, they talk on the phone everynight and sometimes more each day if something is on TV that they think the other would like to watch or on the radio. My Dad comes into town every week and visits, fixes things around the house for her and takes her to the theatre or out for dinner. They have more dates now than they did when they were married.
And you are right it is all the little things that makes them Hero’s.
Pamela, your mother sounds delightful - and also so happy! Gives one real hope for the future, such love and friendship in her life.
I sometimes think (on the bad days) that if we won a lottery, I’d buy adjoining luxury penthouses. I’d have my own space, but could pop next door for home cooked meals and a little lovin’ whenever I felt the need. 
Add A Comment