Tell me, does this flip your switch? It passed the Rossetti giggle-out-loud test. Not many do.

But wait, there’s more. The rest of the joke goes like this -

I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend. He e-mailed back: “If the light stays on for more than 4 hours, call your erectrician.”

Boom, boom!

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Rackety Kate and the Pirates

Chapter 27

Punishment Is its Own Reward

The story so far:
To her astonishment, Kate discovers that she’s been retained as counsel by the Comte de Nothos — in an action against Cavanagh Enterprises. Legally, The Comte’s position is untenable, but he’s refusing to budge. If he won’t listen to Kate, who will he listen to?

You can read all of Kate here – http://www.deniserossetti.com/kate.html

Kate leaned back in her chair, putting on her poker face. “You know who,” she said. “The Hormone Harlots.”

The Comte glared. His face, already pale, went the colour of finest alabaster. “I have no idea who or what you’re talking about,” he said in a voice like ice. “I’m instructing you to pursue the action against Jack Cavanagh, Ms O’Reilly.”

Shit, it wasn’t working. Come on, Rossetti, thought Kate. You can write smut for the discerning anytime. I need you right now.

“You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell,” she said. If she hadn’t been watching him so closely, she might have missed it, but the Comte’s lashes flickered. Kate leaned forward, intent. “I like to win, Comte,” she said. “Not piss off the judge and waste the court’s time.”

Very faintly, she heard a sound from somewhere deep in the building, or was it in her head? Tap, tap, tap.

Holding the Comte’s fathomless gaze, Kate licked her lips. Her heart hammered. “Did you hear that?”

The Comte shifted slightly in his high-backed chair. “This is an office, people work here.” he said.

In the distance, an elevator made a swooshing sound, then a bright ding! The low murmur of female voices drifted through the door, accompanied by the tap of heels, drawing closer.

A slow flush climbed out of the Comte’s collar, reaching his cheeks. Apart from that, however, he’d gone so still he could have sat for a portrait entitled Sex in a Suit.

“I’ll let them in, shall I?”

“No,” croaked the Comte. “I haven’t… They’ll…”

Ignoring him, Kate rose and flung the door open wide.

Arm in arm, Tess and Ess beamed at her. They looked just as she remembered them, except that Tess had purple and red streaks in her hair and a nose stud, while Ess was tricked out in a silk suit the colour of a dove’s breast, with a cream silk blouse and pearls.

“Heya, babe,” beamed Tess.

“Kate, dear,” smiled Ess.

***

Want more? You can read all of Kate and see more pirates on the Rackety Kate page. Want even more than that? Join my newsletter - see below.

The winner of the matched set - Unlaced AND Laced with Desire - is - 

Beth C. !!! 

Come on down, Beth! Actually, email me at deniserossetti @ gmail.com (no spaces) with your snail mail to claim your prize. I’ll hold it for seven days and then redraw.

I had the best time, talking with you all. *smile* What I thought was fascinating is how important beautiful lingerie is to a woman’s confidence. So many of you mentioned it. I have visions of women all over the world, striding into job interviews with their power undies on under their ‘business’ outfits and blowing the interviewers away. Doncha love it? Heh heh

While I have your attention, I should point out that I have giveaways and contests every month on my newsletter. In fact - you guessed it - I’m giving away another matched set of anthologies, but you have to be a subscriber… Here’s all the information~

Welcome to the Laced with Desire cross-blog. 

This is our second ‘corset’ anthology together and we had such a blast with the Unlaced cross-blog, we decided to do it again.

This time, Jaci Burton, Jasmine Haynes, Joey W. Hill and I are talking about clothes - what they do (and don’t do!) for us. Yes, fashion disasters, unwise addictions, sex-kitten outfits - all is revealed. There are even a couple of pictures. Woot! (Possibly.)

Four authors, four blogs - four chances for free books. And it’s easy, just leave a comment. (Photographic evidence not required. heh heh) What’s not to love? Winners announced 9am EST (USA) Wednesday 3rd February.

Visit each of the blogs in turn to check out the giveaways from each author.I’m giving away a set - Unlaced AND Laced with Desire. If you happen to own them both already, I’m sure we can find something else.

I’ve put an easy link for you under each of our responses to the questions about clothes.

Here are the four questions  - 

1. What’s your most appalling shopping weakness, especially when it comes to clothes? Go to Jaci Burton’s blog. Giveaway - an advance review copy of her March release, Bound, Branded and Brazen.

2. What’s your most comfortable outfit and what do you enjoy doing most to relax? Go

to Jasmine Haynes’ blog. Giveaway - autographed copy of Yours for the Night.

 3. What’s your most sexy/naughty-feeling outfit? Go to Joey W. Hill’s blog. Giveaway - a signed copy of Laced with Desire.

4. What’s the outfit that gives you the most confidence? Read on! Giveaway - the set, Unlaced AND Laced with Desire.

Jaci Burton:

I have this sleeveless black dress that I adore. I can dress it up or down, wear a shirt under it if it’s cold outside or put a sweater over it. It’s multifunctional, looks great on me, I can wear heels or boots or flats with it, punk it up or class it up and it still looks great. Everyone should have a basic black dress they can do so many things with. It’ll make you feel great about yourself.

Visit Jaci’s blog for the shopping disasters and Jaci’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Jaci’s story, No Strings Attached.

Jasmine Haynes:

For confidence, I like a suit, feminine lines with a short tailored, form-fitting jacket and a skirt, either calf-length or well above the knee, never knee-length.  Under the suit, of course, very feminine lacy bra and barely there thong panties.  Thigh high stockings top it off.  Professional, feminine, and naughty all rolled into one.

Visit Jasmine’s blog for comfy clothes and Jasmine’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Jasmine’s story, La Petit Mort.

 Joey W. Hill:

That would be this dress. I wore it at the 2009 Romantic Times for the Jungle Party. Typical of an OCD personality type with body image issues, I don’t often feel gorgeous in anything, but I loved this dress. It had sexy lines, and flowed when I walked like I was a romance heroine come out of her chrysalis. It flattered hip line, maximized my minimal cleavage (grin), and had a whimsical flirtiness to it I adored. I found some great Wal-mart White Stag jewelry to go with it for almost nothing, and my mom, who went with me to RT, took this lovely near sunset picture. She was probably trying to commemorate the one time her daughter didn’t look like a bag lady!Of course, on the flip side, sometimes when I’m wearing my most comfortable outfit (see the question on Jasmine’s blog), that’s also when I feel most confident. That’s because it’s the outfit that says “this is the real me”, and there’s always a reassurance to that…as long as I don’t end up in the wrong environment for it. I remember one conference, I brought too many “comfortable clothes”, and when I went to one of the more formal events, I felt far from confident! So matching the setting to the outfit helps. However, when I’m at home and around town, I always feel quite confident in my comfy clothes. Though I think the sexy zebra dress would work anywhere (I plan to wear it to Wal-mart one day for fun – laughter).

Visit Joey’s blog for naughty/sexy outfits and Joey’s giveaway!

Excerpt from Joey’s story, Honor Bound.

Denise Rossetti:

I don’t mind admitting it - clothes are really important to my self-confidence. Feeling over or under dressed, badly groomed or untidy disconcerts me dreadfully. I suspect it’s shallow, but there you go.If I think my day at the Evil Day Job is going to be challenging, I’ll make a point of dressing from the skin out to bolster my confidence.

Matching undies first. Beyond that, I absolutely have to feel ‘put together’. I’m not a frilly or froufrou dresser, I like well-cut classics and a close fit. So it might be belted tailored trousers and shirt, with a jacket and discreet jewelry. I combine rich bright colours with neutrals because they give my skin a lift. Anything beige, dusty or muted and I could get work as an extra on Night of the Living Dead. LOL

I always wear my charm bracelet – I have a charm for every book I’ve written – because it reminds me of who I am and what I can do if I put my mind to it. (If you were wondering why the two silver inkpot/quill charms, they’re my Passionate Plume Awards.)

Excerpt from my story, Rhio’s Dancer.

Tell us about the outfit that makes you feel a million dollars. What’s so special about it?

Sounds a little weird, doesn’t it? A blog that’s cross, but nope, I’m not mad. The exact reverse, actually. To celebrate the release of LACED WITH DESIRE, our second anthology together, Jaci Burton, Jasmine Haynes, Joey W. Hill and I are running what’s essentially a blog tour. Starts Monday 1st February (USA time).

You get FOUR CHANCES TO WIN! One on each blog. (Click on the images for excerpts!)

Visit each of the blogs in turn to chat about a first and check out the giveaways from each author. Since the stories in the anthology are once again connected by a corset theme (the previous anthology was Unlaced), we decided to answer four “clothing related” questions.

We’ll let you know what’s -

1) our most sexy/naughty feeling outfit,

2) our most comfortable outfit,

3) our most appalling shopping weakness and

4) the outfit that gives us the most confidence.

We’ll each take a question and post the four answers to it on each of our blogs. If you visit our blogs and answer the question as well, or leave a comment, you’ll be eligible for the giveaway on the blog - and yes, we’ll each be having a giveaway, so comment at each one and you’ll have four chances to win! You can start with all the questions and links right and work your way around.I’ll put all the links for you under each story.

I’m giving away the two anthologies - Unlaced and Laced with Desire as a set. Woot!

Get ready to talk about clothes! What’s not to love?

You know how people quip that they’d forget their heads if they weren’t screwed on? I say that a lot. Because it’s true. I’ve always been a trifle absent-minded, but OMG - is it getting worse, or what?

Last year, My Beloved and I hid the spare car keys before we left for the USA and Canada. We can both recall the stepladder was involved, but can we remember where those damn keys are? Nope, of course not. We still haven’t found them.

A couple of days ago, I hid all my rings - that’s right, all of them, the ones I wear every day because I’m too scared to leave them at home for a burglar to find. But it’s been hot here, and very humid. Some days it’s too uncomfortable to wear rings, especially if I’m going for a healthful (hah!) walk or to the gym. So, this particular day, I decided to pop them somewhere out of sight. I remember thinking to myself that it wasn’t the most original hiding place, but at least I wasn’t making it too easy for a would-be thief.

The weekend went by. Come Monday, I reached for my rings and they weren’t in the usual place. WTF? Oh yes, I’d hidden them somewhere in the bedroom. No problem.

Do you think I could remember where?

And guess what? I was too scared to search, in case I couldn’t find them.  How sad and twisted is that?

Thankfully, when I came to do the laundry, there they were - shining up at me from the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper.  I still have absolutely no recollection of putting them there. None. I’m losing my marbles due to galloping senility, I swear.

Please tell me you’ve done something similar. I’m scared. *sigh*

Does reading romance improve your romantic life?  Does reading erotic romance improve your sex life? 

Interesting questions, hmm?  Even more interesting, I often receive mail from readers who tell me that their partners thank me too. Isn’t that lovely? Always makes me grin.

Ellora’s Cave’s is having an official 10th birthday and as part of the celebrations, they’re asking readers pick the winner from the two finalists in the video category of the How Has Ellora’s Cave Improved Your Sex Life contest. Check out the two very different but totally wonderful videos - HERE! They’re up for a month to give everyone plenty of time to vote. Tell all your friends to vote too!

You can talk about it here too, of course! (But not TMI, all right? I’m a delicate flower.) Did you have a stand-out favourite video? Why?

 It’s newsletter time, which means…

Rackety Kate and the Pirates

Chapter 26

Devious Plans

The knock came again. Kate glared at the door as if she could eviscerate the idiot on the other side. “For crying out loud, come in!” But all she could produce was a strained whisper, as if she’d been sobbing in her sleep. Which was ridiculous. Really.

Footsteps moved away, a voice murmuring something to the receptionist.

With a muttered oath, she sprang to her feet, knocked her hip on the corner of the desk and cursed even louder. Rubbing the sore spot, she wrenched the door open. At the far end of the corridor, the receptionist was reaching forward to take a pile of documents from a man with long blond hair, confined in a neat pony tail. He wore an elegantly tailored suit in a charcoal gray. Shazelle’s upturned face was a study in feminine appreciation.

Peter had had hair like that.

Ruthlessly, Kate slammed the lid down before the thought could take on a life of its own. She made a mental note to do a background check on the Rossetti woman. There had to be some dirt somewhere. Everyone had a dirty little secret.

“No problem,” Shazelle was saying, heavily mascaraed eyelashes fluttering like centipedes on speed. “I’ll see she gets them.”

The man murmured something in response that made the girl flush with pleasure. Straightening, he turned toward the foyer and the elevators, his lean body moving with compact grace. Fine, very fine, thought Kate, enjoying the scenery. Of course, Armani did tend to have that effect. The elevator swished open, the man entered, pressed the button and about-faced.

Holy shit.

Designer spectacles that magnified glorious sea-blue eyes, a straight nose, sexy mouth.

“Peter.” She thought she’d shouted, but the word got strangled in her throat.

He gave her a quick appreciative glance up and down, all male. But after a second, his grin stalled, a crease appearing between his brows. The doors of the elevator slid closed on his puzzled face.

“No, no!” She pounded at the `up’ button, almost sobbing with frustration. “Come back, come back!”

***

Want more? You can read all of Kate and see more pirates on the Rackety Kate page. Want even more than that? Join my newsletter - see below.

I thought that you folks Over There might like to experience the flavour of an Aussie Christmas, so here’s a ’seasonal’ poem. High literature it ain’t - enjoy!

BTW, as I write this, I’m sitting at my desk in a sarong, looking out the window at the mangoes beginning to blush on our big old tree. Meanwhile, it’s raining - steady subtropical wet stuff, with a sauna to follow when the sun comes out and sucks all the moisture out of the ground. I’m finally considering air conditioning. *sigh*

‘Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn’t a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We’d left on the table some tucker and beer,
Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced ’round in our heads;

And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.
When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,
snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty ‘roos.
The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I’m telling the truth it’s all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the ‘roos, by calling their names.

‘ Now , Kylie ! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane !
On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne !
Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,
I’ll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!’

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.
His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package he left for our Mum,

Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;
He strolled out on deck and his ‘roos came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates -

‘MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!’

Let me know if there’s something you’re curious about.For example, Shazza and Bazza are the nicknames for Sharon and Barry, respectively. Not something a foreigner might intuit!

Hope your Christmas was simply wonderful, full of love and ease. Mine wasn’t too damn bad at all! I know I’m blessed and I’m infinitely grateful.

I’ve never been an outdoor girl. Give me a bed and a book and a cuppa tea.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing animals in the wild and Nature’s beauty restores my soul. But the … ah… logistics really bother me. Okay, okay, I confess - the main issue is going to the toilet.  Not having convenient plumbing on the outside like a guy makes it a tad difficult. When you squat, inquisitive vegetation wants to get personal with your nether regions. And it’s always prickly. Then there’s the whole issue of the pants hooked around your knees - slap bang in the way. Not to mention the rest of it - digging holes, balancing while you wipe etc etc

Let’s not forget the wild life either. When DD was about six, she had to go while we were on a rainforest walk. (I swear her bladder is the size of a pea.) She collected a leech in a VERY bad place. The sight of her capering about and screaming with the leech dangling is graven in my memory.*shudder*

Probably ruined the poor kid for life. Speaking of which..

I imagine this poor woman is about to be ruined for life too. Oh dear.

Are you better at the outdoor stuff than me? (No details, BTW!) The rest of camping escapes me too. I’m just not very practical, I guess. Do you enjoy camping? Why?